Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML
Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school. Somehow it escaped from its cage, and ran into my room. My boyfriend, thinking it was a mouse, stomped on it. I'm stuck cleaning hamster guts from my carpet, and have to explain to a kindergarten class what happened to their pet. FML
Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML
Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML
Today, my hamster had babies. I came home just in time to witness her kick the mutilated bodies of her two babies out of her house, then crawl back in and go to sleep. Now my sister refuses to touch her and calls her a "baby-eating demon." FML
Today, I got a hamster against my wife's will. I can't wait until she wakes up and I have to tell her it's loose in the house. FML
Today, my mom wanted to surprise me by buying me a hamster. When I got into her car, I was actually surprised and even said, "Hi" to the hamster. When we got home, the hamster was dead. FML
Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML
Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML
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Top comments
tounces7 28
She sounds like she's a damn drama queen making a stupid show for attention. I seriously don't like spiders but if someone is holding one in their hand it's not going to bother me...because it's in THEIR hand, not mine.
bound101 7
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Thanks a lot! You got "Hamster Dance" stuck in my head again! Takes months to extricate. Thanks to you, it's baaaack. I had hamsters when I was a kid. Nasty little bastards. Biting and always trying to escape. Your choices for pets are #1 Dog, #2 Cat There is no #3. Any pets beyond the aforementioned ones are bullshit!
Paul Storstein Anderson 5
I love hamsters, but their lifespans are too short. Guinea pigs make better pets, imo. Last longer and are more social too.
tounces7 28
She sounds like she's a damn drama queen making a stupid show for attention. I seriously don't like spiders but if someone is holding one in their hand it's not going to bother me...because it's in THEIR hand, not mine.
bound101 7
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