Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
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Top comments
Jasim 17
That's one hell of a bargain.
gerardwhy 21
But did he bring the toilet paper?
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Comments (169)
Live4funny 16
It's your ******* husband. Just blow him anyway. Wtf? How is this an FML?
Wolfparable 22
Some girls don't like doing that AND just because it's her husband does NOT mean she has to.
Live4funny 16
What? #1, no guy is going to marry a chick that doesn't give head. #2, I am pro oral sex. I'll eat that shit for an hour, it's amazing. #3 If you marry someone, you get to suck, ****, lick, and stick it anywhere. No bargaining should even have to happen. I'm not marrying anyone that's not going to give it up to me whenever/never going to complain when my wife wants to get off in any way. That's the ******* deal. Otherwise there's a thing called side pussy and if I'm marrying you, you have to be better than the pussy I can buy. Otherwise I'm wasting my ******* time and you are too... Point is, **** as much as you can as often as you can. Life's too short not to be busting nuts all over gods green earth.
pinkuser626 17
Wow I feel really bad for u, u have a really ****** up view on life and love
dragoongirl90 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe if you gave more blow jobs he'd do more stuff for you, like bringing toilet paper.
Wolfparable 22
Again some girls don't like to and there is no reason she has to.
lndala 15
So in order for her to get her husband to do stuff for her, she must blow him? "Honey, I'm in labour. Please take me to the hospital." "Only if you give me a ********." Yeah, she should definitely be giving out more blow jobs. Not!
metalcrazed 21
There is also no reason he has to bring her toilet paper,some guys don't like it and there's no reason he has to.
Wolfparable 22
#73 I hate to inform you of this, I mean, it seems rude but you don't seem to have noticed you're an idiot.
JohnTheDonJuan 11
#81 and I hate to inform you of this, but you're soap box is becoming unstable. time to find a new one.
Wolfparable 22
Alright I apologize if I've been soap boxing and annoying people, however the reactions to this seem wrong to me. Yes, it's more likely they are a happy couple who are comfortable enough in their relationship that this is just him teasing her but all of us here do not know that and yet, so many are saying she should want to do it anyway, or that she should to make him happy in the first place, or simply acting as though the guy was somehow clever by trying to blackmail his SO into doing something she clearly does not want to as this wouldn't be an FML if she did.
Shlalg 15
I don't think you are soapboxing, I think you are making valid points with healthy logic. Some comments are funny; some are pretty awful. You're calling those ones out. Thank you!
Bofferding_fml 6
a BJ whilst still sitting on the bowl? pretty nasty stuff.
Eleora 19
Why didn't you check before you began your business? Lol
pris0027 19
It's kind of sad that he has to negotiate with you to get a ******* OP
Wolfparable 22
AGAIN some women don't like giving them and there is no reason she has to. It's kind of sad that he tries to get her to give them by making deals like this rather than just letting it go.
AddictGamer 16
Do you really have to say this that many times? I've read the same thing 4 times, I think we get it #48....
Wolfparable 22
I suppose I won't anymore since you request it stop but it annoys me that every second comment seems to be that same sentiment anyways sorry for the inconvenience
expertsmilee 26
I was wishing this dude would shut the **** up too, you're not alone.
Wolfparable 22
Pssst #88 there's another down there somewhere if you look ;)
Shlalg 15
I'm in the corner wishing he doesn't stop posting like this, especially considering the nature of his comments are spreading healthy, consensual sexual experiences. I'm sorry fighting for the side of consent 'annoys' you so much. Reading his comments calling out bad mentalities must have absolutely ruined all humor you can experience from the actually funny people here.
trentonwhitfill9 7
Well at least now you will check before just plopping down
tranced_ 45
Your husband winning at life
GoGiants28 13
That blows
mrdvs31 3
multitasker...... you showoff
milkman18 16
I'm taking notes for future reference!