Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
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Top comments
Jasim 17
That's one hell of a bargain.
gerardwhy 21
But did he bring the toilet paper?
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Comments (169)
hailzz_96 18
You deserved it for saying john
False_Stupidity 42
Toilet, loo, shitter, dunny, porcelain throne, thunder box, water closet, latrine, lavatory, pot... Admit it, no matter what term she had used, you'd still say YDI anyhow.
Synonymous_Rex 10
Fair if you're stingy
marcranger 29
Take a deep breath and blow on his penis. Spit a few times while you're at it. Then demand a less ambiguously worded sexual favor in return for getting him a tissue to wipe the residue off.
Micheal23 19
Smart man
killer0689 20
keep a happy sex life to avoid such negotiations
Wolfparable 22
I assume this is a lighthearted joke and he isn't serious but why are so many of you okay with this? If she doesn't want to do it in the first place that doesn't mean "let's figure out a deal where she'll have to or she'll give in to my demands" seriously just hand the girl her toilet paper and leave her alone
orneryvixen 15
Looks like your life isn't the only thing that sucks.
giggetirl 1
worth it ... its tp
Jasper1405 16
Give that man a cookie.
logicrules 11
Give him the ******** then just before you finish stop and bargain for something in your favour.