Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, my husband drunkenly confessed that he has a shit fetish and wants to watch me take a dump in the bathtub while he jerks off. Guess him saying he "didn't like kinky things" was a lie, then. FML
Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband insisted a man can orgasm without cumming if he just clenches hard enough, so of course he went ahead and tried. He got such a powerful cramp in his groin, he shat himself on our cream carpet. Then as I tried to help, he came anyway, right into my fucking eye. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband shit himself a little during sex, but tried to keep going because he was "so close" and didn’t want to ruin the orgasm. I, of course, shoved him away but it was already down my leg and had stained our cream bedsheets. FML
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Top comments
dalink 24
So so so disgusting... And unhygienic.
Black_Rose97 9
well isnt that a load of crap... anyone?
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Comments (188)
dalink 24
So so so disgusting... And unhygienic.
ILoveMyArm 15
Well she did tell him she likes it dirty...
Caitie_kid 8
Ask him if you can shit on his face.... Oh don't forget to tell him that it may or may not make him ******.
LindsayxMoore 18
Dafuq? My finace has said some weird shit but thats just wow.
mariepastyglue 30
No!! That's a different level of dirty! I'm all for going down on my man whenever and wherever he wants, but that right there is truly gag worthy and I'm not talking about the good kind. Maybe you should recommend him putting his tongue in your coochie next time your aunt flow visits!
CallMeMcFeelii 14
That's actually not as bad as some people make it out to be, 66. Even being a guy I would never even try to convince my girl my girl to blow me on the toilet. Hell, I try to be as considerate as I can whenever a girl gives me head. I don't ask for it when I know I probably sweated a lot down there, like after lifting or mowing the lawn. And I expect some consideration from her as well. No guy wants to go down on a girl after she just ran a mile, unless of course, you're into that type of thing.
sematariux 7
66 you are a trooper! Anywhere and everywhere... Teach mine to be that open please
kiaora_fml 11
There are more girls like #66 out there, you just haven't found us
Genociiide 15
#49 woohoo I'm not the only one who knows what that's called!!
Goblin182 27
I would have the think he is the kind of guy that already has his red wings.
austinj776 3
girl you are the perfect girl for men everywhere
aklm15 14
Well, did it work?
PterodactylMan 23
OP Should have told him "You're shit out of luck"
SwaggCapone 11
I fail to see how this could possibly be a turn on for the guy......
SolarFlare 20
eww it's nasty. but im sure it works because both taking a grap and having sex increase the release of dopamine, which is responsible for the "happy" feeling.
kurk626 11
Yah, but op isnt pushing out turds ...as far as we know.
SolarFlare 20
"taking a crap"
Black_Rose97 9
well isnt that a load of crap... anyone?
UnluckyGenius 21
"Haha!" There's my good deed for the day, no need for thanks.
ILoveMyArm 15
Excuse me as I mentally prepare myself for "that's a shitty situation" comments.
tralala453 22
That's a shitty situation.
adam3650 12
where you prepared? Or did that just blow your mind?
gotaplanstan 28
@37 on the crapper would be my best guess
HighlandShadows 48
I believe the term for it is a blumpkin.... FYL, OP.
Jivesliven 24
See her username.
FightMyLiger 19
Dr. Ruth, I don't understand the logistics of a blumpkin. Seems like it would have to be a really quick BJ, or a really long crap. Or do you hold your crap until you're about to cum? Or hold your cum until you're about to crap? Thanks, Confused
VioletLife 18
#35 The term came from a YouTuber named Uberhaxornova.
VioletLife 18
My apologies. It's just the first place I have heard of that, and it sounded so...different, that I never questioned if it was a real thing or not.
ZombieSazza 34
What the actual ****? Are you married to poop-in-the-shower-guy?
trbuson 11
I would like to know where you bought your shower that came with a toilet.
Sinistra_Blue 12
#11, maybe it came with the house? Really sweet deal, "Buy this house and we'll through in a full bathroom for free!!"
jamnglamgirlie 17
The thought of that is incredibly disgusting!
Kateyez_26 13
Kinda disturbing actually
TheDrifter 24
More than kinda disturbing. But, they say for every great man there is a great woman and for every horrible man there is one sick bitch. Op's husband just didn't find the ideal partner for his perversion.
Kateyez_26 13
Agreed
Pstraka6 20
Be careful with this one, he may ask you to wipe too
DenBriZel 31
Oh EEWWWW lol I was just waiting for a comment like that.
Melix 31
That's..just...gross.