Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
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Top comments
Jasim 17
That's one hell of a bargain.
gerardwhy 21
But did he bring the toilet paper?
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Comments (169)
kommission 1
If you did it more often that probably wouldn't have been his terms.
ashtonenriquez 4
Your life sucks as much as you do.! Lol
Goblin182 27
Is that the only way for him to get a ******** from you, to negotiation when you are in a bind? Reminds me of the old saying, if you aren't feeding your dogs and they ain't barking they are eating at the neighbor's house.
joshi42 16
For one roll? You should have demanded a 36-pack at least.
navano93 3
If he has to bargain that to get an actual ******* then obviously you're not putting out enough.
bp94 8
They'll do anything for it
mattmsk005 8
Supply and demand
stepmommy 5
sounds like my hubby! read this to him with a pause after his term...and he finished the post correctly!
chosha_fml 27
Give him the ********. Remember to use your teeth. :)
squideth 18
So... Much... Sexism... The amount of children here who think that this woman should just "put out" all the time to solve this problem is astounding, not to mention the amount of people who think it's okay for a grown man to negotiate a sexual act in return for a simple favour. FYL indeed, OP. I'd just wipe with his towel.