Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML
Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, I had to beg my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This is a basic weekly argument. FML
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Top comments
ElementaryEdGuy 18
How about, "Take a shower or you'll never get that thing touched again?"
lakerfan8224 17
Don't go near that dirty body of his
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Comments (87)
GrammarNazis 6
Doesn't matter got a blow..... Oh wait....
RadikulRam 16
Pray think before you post another message, #1.
SlapAndTickle 20
Gross. Maybe you could encourage him to take a shower everyday with ********. He'll be sqeaky clean in no time.
MrClean17 15
I take showers everyday and only get blow jobs every once in a while. It's not fair. On a side note I'm surprised anyone who hasn't showered for two weeks even has has a significant other
SquishFish 15
Your profile goes perfectly with your comment
Numerion 6
#27 I absolutely understand you :( I am in the same situations...I even trim and shave and whatnot...
SingleDT846_CRD 6
Will there be diminishing return in that case?? Lol...
lakerfan8224 17
Don't go near that dirty body of his
Damian95 16
Rub a dub dub. Fun in the tub.
SerendipityRose 26
I'm with #3 on this one... No part of my anatomy would go near that kind of dirty, much less putting my mouth on it. I certainly don't want to be within sniffing distance of something that reeks of crotch rot & ball sweat.
solosohigh 15
how about a ******** in the shower.... after you wash it.
wlddog 14
I think I just fell in love.
NissanDriftKing 4
Count me in!
timelessone 16
Me too!
sig4life 18
I believe that calls for showering in the morning before work, and the evening before bed.
AshaaFerreira 22
Agreed! Actually the shower is my favourite place to give bjs to my fiancé lol
Abenti 8
He's just trying to make this a win-win situation.
ElementaryEdGuy 18
How about, "Take a shower or you'll never get that thing touched again?"
kzai 16
Was it before or after the shower that you gave him his "reward" ?
MidnaLink 35
I really hope after the shower, 'cause that'd just be nazzzty!
chowE_fml 4
This is where the saying "clean as a whistle" derived from. Honey, it isn't going to blow itself.
bombtastic 10
At least it's clean.
Petrichor_fml 7
How is it possible to be clean if you haven't bathed in two weeks?
bombtastic 10
what, he didnt scrub and use body wash?
kkamp516 10
*sigh*
Petrichor_fml 7
How are you going to use body wash if you have not bathed or taken a shower in two weeks? It defeats the purpose
SuzeDee 9
Not only does your life suck, it stinks, too!