Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
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Top comments
Jasim 17
That's one hell of a bargain.
gerardwhy 21
But did he bring the toilet paper?
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Comments (169)
anthony89_fml 12
Lmao give the man his ******* !!!
syed121417 22
I Would love to be in such a fun relationship! I think he's adorable. After all, you are married. You kind of owe him if he got you the toilet paper, unless you really don't want to, which is understandable. But, he sounds adorable, OP.
SydLovesLacey 18
Hmm.. Not bad.
NyehNyahNioh 14
I'm not stingy. And no, not on the toilet! LOL. It's kind of a "you owe me one" kinda thing. We tally up little favors and check them when we want something, no questions asked. It's what keeps things fun because we always take revenge. :D
vincent57_fml 14
I would remember that the next time he wants something.
cdncw 20
This reminds me of the reddit thread where a guy documented every time he tried to get some lovin' and was denied. If your hubby has to resort to these tactics to get the physical attention he needs, perhaps the issue runs a bit deeper than the ridiculousness of the "offer".
anon385 23
What is it with the male population and believinh that bj's are the world?
Diddlydoo1632 18
Hugh yuo shud break up wthi him he is an dumb!!11!11!!!
Cavsfodawin 21
He shouldn't have had to ask. You are married and should have sex, without having to negotiate for it.
ReaperofSouls42 2
Time to "accidentally" use to much teeth.