Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
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Top comments
Jasim 17
That's one hell of a bargain.
gerardwhy 21
But did he bring the toilet paper?
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Comments (169)
mattrd_fml 31
you decided to go even though you were out of tp? ydi
supasupa 1
All the dudes here saying thats a bargain... Grow some! Notice i said dudes and not men
2ru 14
Sounds like blow jobs are a rare commodity, he played his trump card. Supply and demand, he wins.
swaglesshipster 23
Well that blows!
dvp_fml 8
Maybe you should try being sexually available enough that you don't have to be blackmailed by your spouse?
Wolfparable 22
You have no idea she's not. She may not like giving that particular service or he may just be demanding, either she does NOT have to.
Shlalg 15
Did you really just process this fml as: "This woman was blackmailed by her husband. For sex things. It is her own fault." Wtf dude.
MissBehavin77 18
Giving him a ******* is a bad thing?
iwadasn 33
If he tries to blackmail her into it, then yes, it is.
sam882 28
Next thing you know he's going to start taking the toilet paper and hiding it! But, all joking aside i don't see why this is an FML? That should be fun for the both of you.
shinikageWolf 15
Bring toilet paper with you next time.
Twixx66 9
I love this! lol...sounds like you guys have a fun marriage
shfs2010 4
You should be wanting to give him 1.
Wolfparable 22
I've got all day so yeah I'll spend it doing this... Again why should she want to? She may not enjoy that particular activity and there is no reason she should do it if she does not want to.