Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
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Top comments
Jasim 17
That's one hell of a bargain.
gerardwhy 21
But did he bring the toilet paper?
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Comments (169)
ckibb97 22
Good deal if you ask me
Jdlove2 20
Who's asking you?
tiredteenager 16
^no chill
BubbleGrunge 18
Smart hubby; remember such negotiations next time he's in need. Win/win situation!
ToxicTyrael 26
I'd ask him for a rimjob when he needs me the next time... Think that would teach him a lesson!
horneyhic 15
Yea that sexual favours are currency as well as fun. This accually sounds fun I would have no problem trading like this with my SO
ihaveasushicat 24
I would have waddled out to get the toilet paper myself then.
ToxicTyrael 26
Many people have their toilets in their bathroom. If this was the case OP could just step in the shower and wash herself :).
lmf5292 10
I've yet to meet someone with a toilet outside of their bathroom..
ihaveasushicat 24
#136 it's actually more common than you think to not have a toilet in the bathroom. While I live in the US, I have a Aussie friend who's toilet is in a separate room of the house. I thought it was weird when he told me but he said that all the houses he's been in are like that there and he thought it was weird my toilet was in the bathroom.
Wolfparable 22
Alright fellows not everything is open negotiation for something sexual.. If she doesn't want to, just let it go damn.
JohnTheDonJuan 11
Nobody ever said she had to agree. She's an adult, she can make her own decisions. Don't blame the guy for taking the opportunity presented.
Wolfparable 22
Better question why the hell is that an opportunity to you?
Setareh23 34
I don't know, when the only other option is to wipe her shit with her hands, it doesn't seem like all that much of a choice to me. But lets assume they were just kidding around together, and this is more of a silly FML than a serious one ;)
RobinGoodfellow 47
Note to self: don't enter a relationship with someone who can't do a simple favor without demanding a sexual act in return.
SpartanMerc 18
Perhaps she is not giving any ******** without him needing to beg and bargain for them? Maybe he feels that's the only way he'll ever get something.
horneyhic 15
Why is this horrible? Anyway husband is obvs still attracted to her maybe this is a game they play sounds like fun to me I would easily trade doing something she likes that I'm not the biggest fan of for a sandwich and I'd hope shed do the same for something she wants
keiNan_fml 35
seems like a win win situation.
Livin_Like_Larry 29
That man has his priorities right
Mossyoak_kw 28
I would just do it, it's better than sitting on the john for hours reading shampoo bottles.
killer0689 20
oh really?? :p
killer0689 20
oh really .. :p prepare urself :D
Marcelb 17
You have shampoo in the john? What hair are you washing there?
Coocoo257 10
Is your shower not in the same place as your toilet?
underthesea12 24
Good for him!
GrinchFu1 27
It'd be more shocking had he asked you while HE was sitting on the toilet. Count your blessings!?
PenguinBitch 44
Do it, but use teeth.
sam882 28
That's just pure evil..
weveallbeenthere 30
even a bad ******** can be good.
AddictGamer 16
Not if she rips your dick off.