Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in the 69 position with me on top and as we changed positions, and I turned to face him, I saw toilet paper on his face that he didn't seem to notice and that I casually had to wipe off his face. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
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Top comments
HelloSirs 14
When they talked about this in Charmin commercials, I never believed them. Learn something new every day.
ElatedEarthling 15
He was probably too wiped out to notice the extra toilet paper. I know it stinks, but it happens. Maybe next time you should just disregard it and stop being so anal.
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Comments (154)
HelloSirs 14
When they talked about this in Charmin commercials, I never believed them. Learn something new every day.
TylerBurden 21
Your boyfriend is a adorable bear. What's wrong with that? I thought girls love that.
rogerdodgeroz 4
That's shit for op , think she learnt a lesson in bday hygiene hey
Jessj958 19
Yes, commercials are always right, don't you know that? :)
UsernameHere234 13
Woah woah wait charmin commercials contain sex?! I gotta start paying better attention to commercials apparently.
oj101 33
That's why I use wet wipes. Toilet paper breaks, it's rough, leaves a smell behind, and doesn't clean as well as wipes do.
outoftown 27
#107, Mama Bear was trying to be discrete. She was really talking to Papa Bear;)
YepThatsMeee 23
#112 but at least it doesn't clog up the toilet all the time like you probably do
Aloyese 11
Now we know.. Now we know..
ROSI3TH3CAT 18
Well i WAS going to go have some chili.. But you know D:
Marvin_Kay 10
Nobody asked
Love_sosa 10
rim job
LightningCactus 12
Pardon me, I don't believe such inappropriate language is necessary at this time. Try again later.
ROSI3TH3CAT 18
Your right nobody asked..thank you for taking time out of your day to point that out :)
venom1576 3
You're like 11 why are you on FML?
LissaMccracken 23
That's an odd thing to say. O.o
thrifting 18
Holy fivehead
ElatedEarthling 15
At least he attempts to wipe, you gotta give him some credit. And some better toilet paper might be nice too.
ICastillo 25
Maybe he was saving it for next time he runs out of TP. I hate it when I go take a dump and there is none left. It's like being stranded on a deserted island.
ElatedEarthling 15
Or maybe he was stopping anal leakage. Either way, he should've removed it pre coital. Its like the equivalent of a guy going to finger a girl, then discovering she's been wearing a tampon. >_
Jessj958 19
I hope most girls would be classy enough to say "Hey I'm wearing a tampon, don't go there" before it ever got to that point.
RedPillSucks 33
In the heat of the moment, somethings are left unsaid. "I'm on my period", "I'm not on the pill", "I'm using a tampon", "My husband is in the next room" are just a few.
HairyPunisher 27
3, I don't think the quality of the toilet paper is responsible for a "clump" being there. That's simply hygienic negligence on OP's boyfriend's part.
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
I bet that killed the mood real fast...
TheOneTC 8
You don't say
HelloSirs 14
Definitely not, nothing turns me on more than a girl wrapped in toilet paper.
amandarrr 3
I like your shirt :3
jjessen 20
18- come on dude, what the hell is up with that? If you gonna have a fetish, make it a good one, like a girl wrapped on used toilet paper, none of that new shit :)
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
Got it in Key West, Florida! :3 Unfortunately my dog scratched part of the face off so now it looks dumb. :(
TheAbstract 15
Me Scratch-sta?
HelloSirs 14
@49 it depends on the girl. If I want to just get a quick bang out of a woman, new toilet paper is fine, but if I want to make sweet love, used toilet paper is the most sensual of all.
porcupineattack1 5
Insert pun about feces
Pleonasm 36
"That's shitty" (Had to be done) "This is a hole new level of disgusting" "I was going to crack a joke about this, butt I don't want to be a basTurd." "That"s not very Charmin' of him" I'm on a toilet Roll
Pleonasm 36
Then there's a farfetched one: There was a **** like that that I wanted to watch, but it was Pa-Per-Poo.
porcupineattack1 5
^precisely
RedPillSucks 33
The toilet paper had her rapt.
ChaoticBacon 6
You'd think after grabbing the toilet paper, nothing would be inserted.
CaptainSaveAHoe 11
the comments after pleonasm are shit.
DracoSpirita 21
Including yours, 102?
CaptainSaveAHoe 11
yes including mine, and yours now too.
ManInTheMachine 20
He strategically placed it there for this very moment. What a clever idea!
padlarf 14
Bet you weren't looking to get THAT intimate...
slappygecko 21
DO HE GOT THE BOOTY
ItsAUnicorn 27
HE DOOOOOOO
mountainmanneil 7
sexy time over
ElatedEarthling 15
He was probably too wiped out to notice the extra toilet paper. I know it stinks, but it happens. Maybe next time you should just disregard it and stop being so anal.
simoncat 11
Touché. (Pronounced "tushy")
kevsandy303 12
I say toosh
Clioo_fml 17
68, I'm pretty sure it's pronounced toushay? I could be wrong...
SApprentice 34
74- It is, but 68 meant that as a joke. You know, "tushy", as in "butt", in a response to 11's series of puns.
PandaKitteh 20
I agree. As we all know, shit happens.
jnazzty 4
That is so trifling
VIPwhenever 15
It's pronounced toosh but people usually say toushay.
Dthnte 15
No - the accent on the E makes it an ay sound. It's tooshay. Except in this case where a pun was intended :P
happyperson1234 7
Gross