Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
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Top comments
Jasim 17
That's one hell of a bargain.
gerardwhy 21
But did he bring the toilet paper?
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Comments (169)
revidffum69 22
You could have used his towel.
djstiv3 15
seems fair. you probably give him shit all the time lol he could, pay you back by just giving the TP, but he probably feels he needs to top you by gettin something extra for the inconveniance.
cookie1207 19
This just gave me a perfect idea! Ill go hide all the TP in the bathroom!
LPisLame 16
? word?? That's petty as shit.
Tonisha1989 11
I would have said as long as I can fake it without feeling guilty next time we have sex.
birdeye1524 12
He's probably going to start stealing the toilet paper for more blow jobs now. I'd come up with new terms unless you become very okay with carpet burn on your knees.
ebadams311 10
me and my husband have had the same exact fight...swear
mrscole2014 1
my husband would do the same thing!
Kevin1157 10
Well played sir. OP, does your husband teach classes? If so, how much?
shaynacaves 15
This sounds like a beautiful relationship you guys have!