Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
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Top comments
Jasim 17
That's one hell of a bargain.
gerardwhy 21
But did he bring the toilet paper?
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Comments (169)
skyeyez9 25
What normal man thinks about working out a ******* deal while his wife is taking a dump?
WasabiMars 21
#95 A man so desperate he had to negotiate just to get ********.
Aimeejasmine 15
I hope it wasn't an on-the-spot trade, or you washed your hands at least paha
Jack_Me_Off_Jerk 5
pay up
vlalam 24
R u sure he did plan this? lol
neonpachyderm 13
If he had to negotiate that hard just to get a BJ, YDI.
IWishIWasObama 12
2 sides to everything. When roles are reversed what fid you demand?
Emerald_Sheba 1
Maybe it's just me, but I have to beg my hubby to let me give him a bj. I think it's because I'd give him two or three a day
BlondePsycho 43
Have you tried chewing gum to satisfying your oral fixations? Smoking is great too
limabeans101029 21
Nobody cares about how many ******** you give your husband a day. Surely if you're having to beg to give them, he doesn't really want them. As much as I love oral, I'd be annoyed if my boyfriend kept "begging" to give it to me when I didn't want it.
jamalstolesalt 6
That's justice!
otecasacid 22
if you weaponize sexual favors to the point where oral is a special rare treat youre kind of a lame spouse.
BlondePsycho 43
Next comes "Fine, i'll let you watch **** if you take out the trash."
sammyjanette 17
If she doesn't want o do oral then she doesn't want to do it. He shouldn't have married her if he found it a problem.
BlondePsycho 43
Was the ******** also while you on the John? Or did he wait till John finished before taking his turn?