Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML
Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML
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Top comments
JohnnyKade 25
You must've beat that pussy up good...
euphoricness 28
I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.
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Comments (156)
Mightytall 35
There must have been some kind of attraction on her side, or she wouldn't be putting her head in his lap. So unless she's totally oblivious/naive she'd have to expect somewhat of a reaction on his side. Who knows? She might have appreciated knowing that she is attractive enough to him too, to make that happen.
SmittyJA24 26
I agree. My first thought was she wanted him to get stiff.
zeemonster424 15
Today, I laid my head in the lap of a guy I liked, hoping to start something. Instead, he just stared soulessly off into the distance, as if something he loved very dearly was being beaten. FML.
The_Basileus 9
Akward
omzz15 23
Flex a muscle for 60 seconds it will stop the boner
a1_z9 10
Because she won't start wondering why he has randomly started flexing his muscles when she's trying to rest on him...
Anro_fml 17
I usually think of sheep.
Polynomial 28
OP could be Scotish though.
iAlissa 34
ISIS members would probably think of sheep anyway.
Koolaidandtacos 21
and goats.
russfml 31
Just let nature take its course
a1_z9 10
Very resourceful, I would've probably just yelled something about needing a wee, flailed her away and ran out the room never to return.
joshi42 16
What's wrong with getting an erection in that situation?
ImamSajid25 14
That's dreadful. You need to work on it mate. Otherwise you might have to say goodbye to your Soldier.
rabbi1010 29
fyl, but i say its the girls fault. Dont put your head on a guys lap and expect not to get poked....or stabbed.
Riceball__o3o 15
What if he's a relative?
Badkarma4u 17
I say. No kidding. I bet she knew that.
alisha0215 12
you should've just let it poke her. if she was laying her head in your lap she's probably into you anyway. could've led to something ?