Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML
Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML
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Top comments
JohnnyKade 25
You must've beat that pussy up good...
euphoricness 28
I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.
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Comments (156)
Savannahlynn214 12
Either way, your thinking about pussy... ☺️ Whether it's dreaming about pounding it or actually doing it
trey600rr 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
either way he was pounding pussy!
NateshN 18
Is this an upgraded version of the naked-grandma-imagination?
chuchusheep 19
I just was wondering the same thing.
pleasedie 22
Something might be wrong with you if you have to think of something like that to not get a boner
Rebles 15
No, something might be wrong with you if you think of something like that to get a boner.
Ramos808 29
Lol, I definitely favorited this
tlnorman 18
That is is some f****** up s****.
laden_swallow09 35
******* up shit
tantanpanda 26
screw that, #15 even has the wrong amount of asterisk marks.
Scrambled 21
I had a similar situation! Except I had to think of savagely beating a girl to death to stop myself from getting a boner while my cat sat on my lap. Small world.
Zebediabolical 45
Oh don't stop there. I'm so close...
Seabass_Chan 33
You do what you have to, man.
Zebediabolical 45
Plot twist: It made the boner bigger.
trey600rr 22
should have went with it, she may have liked what she felt!
Mitchellbassists 29
You sir, have watched too much ****.
FenHarel 9
...And then the two high school students who appeared as though they might have been thirty with double F breasts consented silently to a surprise orgy.
Badkarma4u 17
No he is probably one of the guys that actually gets laid instead of fantasizing about it.
FatherPlatypus 8
The things we have to do avoid awkward situations