Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML
Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
JohnnyKade 25
You must've beat that pussy up good...
euphoricness 28
I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (156)
birdybirdchirp 18
maybe it would have been better if instead of your cat you were beating to death a ****?
BaDumTsss_fml 23
And everyone says that girls are weak.
Nanu77 9
She may like your excitement about her so why worry?
pajamajeans 18
That usually makes it worse for me.
baitahook 7
bro! you should just let that wood knock ;)
fmyhardon 16
Oh no! Now she'll think you don't like her, or that there's something wrong with you. Next time remember: boners are ok. Seriously.
FenHarel 9
At least he tried though. Good on him to keep his boners to himself if he doesn't believe them welcome. Hope it doesn't trigger serious thoughts of feline homicide! XD
Ted_brosby 4
Why would you think about beating up a cat. Lol
Kendrah18 19
If a girl lays her head on your lap there's a good chance she wants to you get one. Unless it's your sister haha. FYL
connetlng 1
happens to the best of us man