Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML
Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML
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Top comments
JohnnyKade 25
You must've beat that pussy up good...
euphoricness 28
I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.
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Comments (156)
hahahehehe 9
That works??
Badkarma4u 17
Next time just let the boner happen. Women are not oblivious, they know we have penises. If it get hard what do you think she is going to do. The worst case scenario shes going to just sit up a little embarrassed. Don't sweat it. I wouldn't suggest grinding it on her face, but I would not go one inch out of my way to hide it. If she's putting her head in your lap she's interested.
dracolich 27
Next time, OP, you could stop being ashamed and use your words. "Hey, sorry, this position is making me a little "uncomfortable", could you move, please?" Women know reactions happen. If she's interested she'll let you know. Most of the comments above are just disgusting and frankly reducing men to the will of their penis. It's dehumanizing.
alex101676 8
what if she wanted you o get a boner, then blow u.
mullet3388 16
u have some real issues
nghiadalat 3
Seriously. She should have been expecting your boner and more.
gm1beanzz 14
Flex any muscle in your body to get rid of an erection.
ventraltooth0 12
I'm sorry man I know how you feel
Biker187 13
Why an animal and not Jeffrey Dahmer
lmao_at_ur_life 8
well good control on ur part...but she prob wanted u to get one