Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML
Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML
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Top comments
JohnnyKade 25
You must've beat that pussy up good...
euphoricness 28
I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.
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Comments (156)
firelava 12
what is wrong with you?
Naggie_May23 6
Why would you do that? Whatever happened to thinking about baseball, an ugly family member shaving his or her legs in the bathroom clad in only a towel, a fat guy in a bikini humming the "I Dream of Jeanie" theme. Just goes to show that Americans accept violence more than anything remotely sexual.
zimgirl 18
That's the first thing that popped in ur head?? lol
Smo0chin 14
I'd say, she would have thought your boner a natural response. perhaps that was the desired result
GwilymH 12
That must of been a stiffy situation
Zbiegz12 5
bro... da ****!?!?!
Big_Bear99 19
Too many jokes for the round table. Practice better control. Cats don't deserve it.
EcoAirWarrior 7
You shouldn't have allowed this individual to rest her head on you if you can't control your responses plus you didn't have to picture your cat in your mind but another human instead such as a friend or colleague I sincerely hope you would never consider ever harming your cat or any other animal.
TallMist 32
First of all, NO ONE can control where their blood flows, so there is no one that can control when they get turned on. Secondly, why would OP imagining savagely beating a friend to death any less worse than beating their cat to death? Are you saying you'd value a human's life less than a cat?
imsobroke 0
Nah. I'm poking her cheek.
tristenl17 9
this post explains how hard life is for men..