Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML
Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML
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Top comments
JohnnyKade 25
You must've beat that pussy up good...
euphoricness 28
I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.
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Comments (156)
rayyz 3
i know how u feel bruh...getting boner just for simple stuffs
inhuman_x 11
getting boner just for simple stuffs....no pun intended right?
lanadelcrayy 11
I guess thats the only head you can get..
Polynomial 28
Me"ow".
JpTheGreat23 19
Haha this is too funny.
johnny29 14
i think it was worth it, better than finding out that girl's reaction when she gets poked in the head by a raging boner
Miss_Whipped 43
She knew what she was getting into when she put her head there. I'll bet she was upset when he stayed flaccid.
AndyFitz417 3
Next time just grab a pillow.
charlamagnet 9
I think most guys have this problem from time to time. The most effective thing for me is to think of something that's mentally challenging. I try to say the ABC's backwards in my head. Subtle yet effective.
mattrd_fml 31
Could've just thought of Renee Zellweger. worked for Quagmire.
goofballjones 6
Destroy that pussy
thedoctoralpha1 4
did it just turn you on more, you sick son of a bitch?