29 years-old
Today, my boss thanked me for all my hard work and promised me a raise and a promotion. Shortly thereafter, she sent out a memo announcing she'd sold the company. The new owner immediately came in to "restructure." I got demoted. FML
Today, I was really excited to go to a party because I need to make more friends. Too bad a snowstorm hit right before I was going to leave, now I'm alone with no power. FML
Today, I discovered the importance of having sex before marriage. We found out that my husband is gay on our wedding night. FML
Today, my cat still loves my boyfriend more than me. I spent around 6 months convincing my boyfriend to get a cat. FML
Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML
Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML
Today, while working as a cashier at McDonald's, a man came in telling me that he had not received his hamburger. I looked at his receipt and the date said 11/17/09. FML
Today, in front of my 6 brothers, my mother told me I had the smallest penis at birth. FML
Today, I asked a guy if I could finally meet his mom after we’ve been exclusive for almost a year now. He goes, "You’re special, but you’re not THAT special." FML
Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML
Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML
Today, same as every other night, I sat in my car outside my home, just to avoid going inside. I live alone. FML
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