Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML
Today, my cat decided that instead of using the brand-new scratching post I bought him, he was going to use my pant leg while I was asleep. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML
Today, my girlfriend's cat adores me. I can't sit down without her jumping on my lap and purring. The cat is also overweight, with very sharp claws, and likes to knead on my legs. My legs look like I lost a fight with a thorn bush. FML
Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
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Top comments
Crystal Stark 3
Ya know... it’s okay, one time, I was using my vibrator, my cat snuck in the room and jumped on the bed and attacked it. I never felt so much shame ahahahaha. Ruined the whole mood
RichardPencil 32
**** blocked by pussy, no less! Irony!
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Comments (13)
Aiden89 23
**** Blocked
RichardPencil 32
**** blocked by pussy, no less! Irony!
RebeccaMcQ 15
Who masturbates with their pet in the room? YDI
EmDizzle2007 28
it's a cat, not a child.
AstroTurf Matador 8
"Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time." This isn't even a full sentence.
Crystal Stark 3
Ya know... it’s okay, one time, I was using my vibrator, my cat snuck in the room and jumped on the bed and attacked it. I never felt so much shame ahahahaha. Ruined the whole mood
i8cake 12
because your pet knows it's better with a pussy
Kristen Bauer 14
That’s hot
Fickle 6
Most importantly who care!!!
jamielouwho 6
My roommates cat did that to me and I kicked her in the face 😂
BurnInDemonFire 39
Are you Shane Dawson?
Yup. 8
Probably your cat was hungry because it was sausage time 🤣🤣🤣