Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML
Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML
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Top comments
JohnnyKade 25
You must've beat that pussy up good...
euphoricness 28
I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.
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Comments (156)
JohnnyKade 25
You must've beat that pussy up good...
turdoblast 21
this comment is actual genius lol
JaffaMC 13
What if that had the opposite effect.
bl865ood 17
beat that pussy up
QuaDECH 13
That would be a strange fetish.
Wolverine33 17
Then her noticing his boner should be the least of his worries. And it would be extremely awkward when he gets home to see his cat.
cperagui 18
self discovery is key
dudeofawe 15
I think most guys can affirm that they have had to do things like that from time to time to keep from getting a boner. Sometimes, it's the only way to keep from an extremely awkward situation.
allforfun 23
Better that than thinking of grandma
imkool136 22
I personally let them see, or feel, what they're getting themselves into. Show yourself... Unless you know nothing good will happen
sam882 28
Exactly #60! It's a compliment. He should have just let it happen.It's his body's way of saying "Hey you're hot and you should move your head three inches to the right".
jerzjay 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Just gotta pop the chub and let em know!! No girl (unless it's like clearly your best friend) would bug out from that....FYL for cockblocking yourself op!
imkool136 22
EXACTLY!!!! Then just move up and down a bit... Who knows? Lol
beeneatenalive 12
You have given me the confidence I need in life. Thank you
SookyLala 13
Well, ive never gone to that extreme, but yes i have had to imagine scary things..*shudder*
Badkarma4u 17
Sorry man, If a girl is putting her head in my lap she has to know two things 1 a dick lives there. 2 I like her. If shes still willing to put her head there. Whatever happens roll with it. Shes not stupid.
euphoricness 28
I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.
juliawolak 8
Looks like you had quite the CATastrophe on your hands
juliawolak 8
**** ya'll that comment was fire
knight2109 12
the only fire involved in any pun is when you set that person on fire for making one.
MarkEternal02 19
I liked the pun in general. Your over emphasis on CAT however is probably why you're getting down voted. Just my opinion.
phreaker913 21
out. now.
Indiantrolledd 16
Why the **** was this downvoted? **** all you guys.
sethsmith11 21
I didn't find the pun funny, but #5 follow up after being down voted was hilarious
IDerive 12
Burn!
JoeOfDoom 6
I like you and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
MalekiMaker99 22
#31 was so polite haha
BaconBomb2001 6
*snap* Corner. Now.
Wolfipoo 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That sucks OP, but look on the bright side it was the right thing to do, may your boner R.I.P.
burristhethird 16
That just sounds ******* painful.
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
That's a boner fide story.
bingalingading 12
we should erect a statue in honor of this guy.
QuaDECH 13
You guys must have thought long and hard to cum up with these puns.
PePziNL 20
These comments are golden, I'll have to write some of them down. Does somebody know where my penis?
terrorwatt 18
I jacked it yesterday so I could write notes in my dicktionary.
SalsaVerdeDonut 22
We've all been there. Though, I never had to think of something like savagely beating my pet to death to refrain from getting a boner. Whatever helps I guess.
FuKcMee 32
should have destroyed her pussy instead of your own!
cheshirecat13242 32
That's an interesting method.. I expected the FML to end with "..but it had an opposite effect."