Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML
Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML
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Top comments
JohnnyKade 25
You must've beat that pussy up good...
euphoricness 28
I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.
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Comments (156)
sassy2085 16
That is quite disturbing
ohSNAPyall 27
Or you could just stand up and go walk around for a minute.
worldclassrager 41
Well whatever works I guess...suggest a pillow for future reference...
savemeSheehan 8
really your poor cat. and fyi she probably did it on purpose. . unless she was that stupid
tiredofwaiting 25
Whatever works for you.
amandaleigh091 10
Really? There weren't any other options to imagine? You HAD to picture brutally killing your cat.
RageWolf16 31
I don't think it would have surprised her lol. Unless it was your sister or a kid
GwennaRose 22
Thats silly. If a girl lays her head on your lap she probably is interested enough in you to make the relationship sexual.
Witchylady 18
You defiantly sound like a nasty twisted person to imagine yourself beating you cat to death!! You are a psychopath just waiting to emerge. What a horrible thing to say. And even worse a horrible thing to even consider. I feel sorry for your cat.
TransitLetum 9
That must have been hard on you.