Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML
Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML
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Top comments
JohnnyKade 25
You must've beat that pussy up good...
euphoricness 28
I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.
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Comments (156)
AlphaDoge 6
Embrace the boner
peachykeen93 17
That......that is f#@king wierd dude....
shinikageWolf 15
I find math helps keep boners away. Just avoid 69. That's the only sexy number
MossyMegaMan 20
It happens to the best of us
Im__Batman_ 8
I mean, you didn't HAVE to... Poor poor cat.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
That's the only thing you could think of to keep from getting a boner? Yikes...the girl might have taken it as a compliment if her head in your lap gave you a stiffy. You're a guy; it happens. Surely she could have understood that. But seriously, there was surely something else you could have thought of...
BigTalker 3
That's kinda sad...
werdwerdus 11
embrace the boner. unless she's your relative or something.
Azidoazide 5
I think we've all been there buddy - although I wish I had thought about animal cruelty instead of food... turns out really tasty food can give you a different kind, but still as convincing boner
Skye_Gray01 8
I tried to give my ex boyfriend a boner in September by laying on his lap with my head but I failed sadly ???
TallMist 32
Seeing as how you put question marks there, I'm just going to assume you meant to ask a question. So, here's the answer: No.