Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
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Top comments
giantsfan2010 23
Don't tell her?
myth454 2
You haven't caught on yet? Just don't eat the food.
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Comments (193)
zyme 11
Next time you have a date, only eat out all day!
Sexy_Smurf 16
I haven't read the previous comments yet so I could just be repeating what's already been said (if I am I apologise)..... Why on earth do you keep telling your mum you have a date?? Please, for the love of god (and your digestive tract) stop telling her..... :0) xx
nichelback3505 0
Do it back to her
ninjacapo 2
Tell him you felt sick, set up another date and dont eat
SataN201 0
paybacks a mf
DivineSunshine 1
She is essentially poisoning you. I would tell her that you are going to the police or cps.
BayAreaBum 1
Hey, ever occur to you to not eat or drink anything your hateful mother touches,hmmm
skyeyez9 25
What a scandalous bitch. A BITCH! Wth
snafu63 0
If this is the 4th time then you need to wise up and either not tell her you're going on a date or not east the food she gives you leading up to the date. You deserve our for letting this happen to you 4 times.
Trollgod 13
This is what you should do: the next time you have a date tell her it's four days before it is. Then when she puts it in her food, eat it and shit all over everywhere and "pass out" so she has to clean it up. Then call social services and say that you passed out because she put laxatives in your food and she didn't notice because she was cleaning. THE PERFECT TRAP