Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Bathtime
Today, I took a relaxing bath, but got the book I was reading slightly wet when getting out. I put it on top of the towel dryer after delicately shaking it. Five minutes later, I heard a splash; I went into the bathroom to find that my book had toppled into the toilet bowl. FML
Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML
Shorty-Greasy Spot-Spot
Today, while studying with the girl I like, I rested my face on my book, pretending to be frustrated. When I lifted my head, I realized I'd left a greasy spot on the page from my nose. She noticed. FML
Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML
Decorum and etiquette
Today. I used the restroom at the mall. After I wiped, I went to toss the paper into the toilet. I missed horribly. The wad of TP with poop on it landed on the floor of the next stall. It was occupied. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML
Joe Bidet
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Shit for brains
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Sneaky
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Top comments
tjamurphy 5
I'm reading this fml from a toilet so i can't really judge.
mackdeezy 22
Dont we all in some way shape or form?
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Comments (72)
mackdeezy 22
Dont we all in some way shape or form?
mackdeezy 22
Read on the shitter, that is
doctorhook86 25
"Today, my crush found out that I can read and that I use the toilet. I'm now known as someone who is completely normal. FML"
AussieChild 22
I have never read on the toilet. It's unhygienic. Just do your business and get out.
RigPig 3
Aussie, according to your profile you are happiest when A) reading and B) doing art.. So what's you issue with ******** and reading at the same time?
Psych101 9
50- How is it unhygienic?
evilplatypus 39
There's actually a series of books intended to be read on the toilet: Uncle John's Bathroom Readers.
angeluv_2014 22
I love the Bathroom Readers... I learn so much from them!! lol And, seriosly, unheigenic?? You don't know the first thing about all the microscopic junk and it's weird traveling ways. Reading on the pot ain't gunna make a damn bit of difference, especially if you wash your hands.
Marcella1016 32
50 it's not unhygienic if you read, put the book down, wipe, wash your hands, and pick it back up. Don't deviate from that order and you're fine. I don't have a habit of reading OTHER people's bathroom books, though (I've been to houses where they actually have a little stand or bin with magazines in them)...there's no way of knowing how they've been...um...handled...
AussieChild 22
But what's the point in reading?? Get in and out in a few minutes, then read uninterrupted.
Brool_Story_Co 17
But what do you do during the few minutes while you are on the can? Read something.
teameminem 2
Reading on the toilet is fun! It's better than just sitting there for 5 minutes doing nothing. OP, I can almost guarantee that your crush does it too. It's 100% normal.
ShyAnn29 15
Sometimes you're on the toilet for a long time, reading makes it not so boring.
tifani322 13
Just because it's toilet paper doesn't mean she reads while going to the bathroom... it may be the only thing she had at the moment to use.
Brool_Story_Co 17
No, I don't think she was reading in her bedroom then decided to use toilet paper as a bookmark. It means she read it in the bathroom.
starile 20
I'm reading this from my phone on the toilet right now!
lovelyheadache 16
What a stupid statement 50. What if OP was doing #2 & it took awhile? It makes sense to pass the time by right?
evilplatypus 39
68 - The bathroom readers are broken up into short pieces anyone can read on the toilet! I've finished all my bathroom readers, so right now I've got Shakespeare's poems in there. At least two sonnets a trip! Why waste those few minutes?
ellie121 4
I have a bathroom iPad pretty much just to read FMLs lol
imavelociraptor 6
I read on the toilet too. However, i don't use toilet paper as a bookmark.
LiyIa_fml 8
Maybe, she got to a really good place in the a book. So she used a piece of TP and forgot to change it out?
rkailin1479 3
She could have dog eared it... Just saying haha
eggmarie 25
If it was a library book maybe she didn't dog ear it to be polite? I don't know, I never do that with borrowed books haha
rkailin1479 3
True.... Haha (:
Marcella1016 32
2 - I have/do use TP bookmarks. You can use anything, really, and that happens to be really convenient at times lol. I thought I was the only one I was actually surprised when I read this FML lol
ChibiChibi_fml 28
I would rather someone use a clean sheet of toilet paper to mark a page than to have them dog ear a page in the book. In my opinion it is improper handling of a book to dog ear the pages or snap the spine. All that stuff does is speed up the destruction of a perfectly awesome thing. In the end you wind up with a book that has a bunch of bent up pages and you still need a bookmark to read it again because the pages are messed up from before.
thgiL 9
I hate dog eating my books I want my books looking as good as possible as long as possible. I use tp for book marks a lot though
Xephyr 1
I hate it when my dog eats my books too. My teachers never seem to care though.
Thunderstruck14 30
That's not a good habit to have if you read in the bathroom because you end up having to bookmark your page quite often and the book will end up a bit messed up. Dog-earing it is only okay if the book is already that way and its your own book, or if it belongs to someone who is okay with you doing that. Otherwise, nothing wrong with a bit of TP. Its quick and easy, I even used it once when I wasn't bathroom reading. Those bookmarks made especially to hold your place in a book are usually all laminated and slippery. TP never slips out from between your pages. Besides, TP as a bookmark is soooo not embarrassing. But I get it, people sometimes get paranoid when they have a crush.
domolovesyoshi 33
dog ear a book, you monster, what did that book ever do to you?
mollymayan 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I bet your hygiene is wonderful..
FMLshark 12
Did you think OP had used a piece of used toilet paper for her bookmark? Because I don't see how reading on the toilet is unhygienic.
kiwienne 21
your desk is probably more dirty than your toilet, because you don't clean it as often, you know.
gc327072 31
3- I bet your logic is flawless.
sophie22_fml 8
I'm guessing because of the poop particles that are everywhere when you're pooping? I however don't see a problem with it although I don't read in the bathroom, I like sitting somewhere comfortable, my dad does read magazines and the newspaper in the bathroom.
ShyAnn29 15
Just because she reads on the toilet, doesn't mean she doesn't have good hygiene.
esines 9
19 - except you don't poop and piss on your desk. I hope.
ant1ion 12
But you don't clean it as often as you clean the toilet
Thunderstruck14 30
People get their poop particles everywhere when they fart. The particles go up people's noses and they breathe it in. Its gross, but its easier to not think about than to have panic attacks every time you're around poop particles.
drunkandfml 11
That sounds like a shitty s- *gets ran over by the whole FML community*
MrSassypants 34
Alright everybody, back up. He is still moving.
neilykins 29
Even the whole 'gets killed by FML community' line is over used now.... 'shitty situation' comments need to be banned.
tjamurphy 5
I'm reading this fml from a toilet so i can't really judge.
Valdrek 26
ditto
ss_20_xx 14
Me too.
StarrBerri 5
Me too :D
toomuchflush 1
I'm looking at this comment thinking "SAME"!!
niall92 6
fml is my favourite dumping activity!
kamikrazy 6
FML is the only thing I do when taking dumps. *looks around awkwardly*
mrnuleef 7
**grunt** **sigh of relief** whoo that was a stinky one! Oh yeah, me too.
SystemofaBlink41 27
Come my fellow bretheren. We shall join forces and take a dump on the toilets of injustice.
FtP_Benihana 0
Amen, to that!
ladyluck808 0
cool story..t.p being used as a bookmark..hmmm what did u wipe your ass with?
deBlobX 12
The blank pages at the back of the book
FMLshark 12
Another piece of toilet paper.
disengaged 6
Obviously she was reading Twilight and decided that a page-to-toilet-paper swap would improve the readability of the book.
FMLshark 12
Everyone's answers are so creative. Damn my lack of imagination.
Mideoyeo 12
I never knew that toilet paper was a single leaf and not a whole roll...
Zano23 9
I don't see it as a big deal. For one, we all do it. And second that doesn't really prove you read on the toilet. Maybe you were in a rush and didn't have a bookmark so you used a tissue. I've done that once.
kikiquickhands 2
I dont get it. What's wrong about reading on the toilet?
wholikesbacon 9
Nothing. I do it all the time.
the_anti_hipster 7
Absolutely nothing. Everybody poops (I read the book!) and sometimes you get bored. Everyone brings their phone, so what's so different about a book? Better a book than food.
ShyAnn29 15
That's true 58, eating while on the toilet is just nasty!
Kiki242 19
He shouldn't let that get to him.
fadingaway 17
Most people do that. It's not like the toilet paper was used. For all he knows, you could have taken it from the spare roll you keep in your cupboard. Your crush doesn't seem very crush-worthy.
mikeofthunder 13
Only a boy would be troubled by that. You need a MAN OP.. You know, if you're old enough