Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
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Top comments
giantsfan2010 23
Don't tell her?
myth454 2
You haven't caught on yet? Just don't eat the food.
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Comments (193)
ZomKi 3
Fool me once shame on you, but fool me 4 times?!
KatlynBrooke 27
Reminds me of that movie, Misery.
caitiebug1119 15
...wow. I don't know what's weirder: that your mom does that, or that you're fully aware she does it and you still eat anything she gives you. Maybe she's not trying to make you single forever. Maybe she's trying to force you to learn to cook for yourself.
lazrus_fml 2
That's a shitty situation!!!
hallibelle 4
Why don't u slip laxatives back into he food!!! I'm sure your dad would love to have we on there for the night
beckers321 2
Talk about a shitty situation.
Plumeriaprincess 2
That's called poisoning! File a police report and move the hell away. Always be aware that if she can do this to you she can one day do this to your kids. That is one dangerous mother you got there!
tne201992 12
At least you're cleaned out.
Horstradamus 6
This is assault, plain and simple. Call the police to come take her away, then we'll see if she still has control issues.
yourmofo 6
I would put syrup of ipecac in her drinks and colon blow in her food to teach her a lesson.