Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
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Top comments
giantsfan2010 23
Don't tell her?
myth454 2
You haven't caught on yet? Just don't eat the food.
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Comments (193)
CharliesCool2084 8
Make your own food next time.
theskaven 2
You fool me once, shame on you. You fool me four times, ...?
ajeppsen 25
Slip sleeping pills into her drinks and enjoy your date!
lexi365 20
I don't know if your mom is being overprotective or just a psycho... I'm going with the latter.
bizarre_ftw 22
Stop telling her and stop eating her food before dates
heyred 11
So your mother poisons you and she's not in jail, why?!
Crazyout 0
My recommendation .... Move out!
wildthang428 10
Clearly she's got it out for you so how about you start making your own food for a while?
teamlucas 8
Wow! Your mom sounds like she's a ******* ****, whom need the Bitch slapped out of her. Why tell her when you have a date? That, or just dont eat at home the day before, AND day of your date.
mpalmiter4717 8
YDI OP because you obviously aren't smart enough to have figured this out earlier. As for your next date, make sure it's a dinner date and fast for 24 hours before you go out. Tell your mom you keep getting sick before every date and you don't want to get sick again. Problem solved!