Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
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Top comments
giantsfan2010 23
Don't tell her?
myth454 2
You haven't caught on yet? Just don't eat the food.
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Comments (193)
AerBear115 15
How old are you? Cos if your 18+ you better explain to your mother to leave you the eff alone. Or just pull the same prank on her but double the amount by 4 ;)
eggmarie 25
You can kill people that way. Just so you know, for future endeavors and such.
rivaraven 35
And you still tell her about your dates and eat her food? YDI, really.
pcentral 17
While that's a horrible thing for your mother to do, if you are going to continue to tell her about your dates and eat food that she has cooked then that's really your own fault.
PanikBaby 8
Well that sucks!
crice2608 3
fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, sorry four time, shame on me! lol
tomiller64 0
Have you tried moving out? Or killing her?
emo666_ 0
I agree with #1, just don't tell her.
Elfroid 10
You are aware she is poisoning you and you should seek legal advice, right? Thats domestic abuse.
xanllan95 2
Move out quickly or your mother will ruin everything . But I'm so srry you've had some crappy dates no pun intended . Hope things get better for you :) cheers
erinchick1 7
Seriously, you should've caught on to her little trick by now! Your solution to preventing it next time is slip laxatives in her food and then make yourself a sandwich and eat it as you watch her eat then smile at her as you say 'ok I got a hot date now! Bye!' walk out the door and I guarantee she won't follow.