Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
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Top comments
giantsfan2010 23
Don't tell her?
myth454 2
You haven't caught on yet? Just don't eat the food.
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Comments (193)
BobbyBoss 10
You're mom is an asshole.
vbmg152 19
You know, that's illegal! You should report her! She deserves it! Maybe a night in jail would teach her a lesson! It's totally illegal to poison someone's food & that's what she's doing! If it happens again go to the ER, call 911 if you have to, tell them what's going on & they will call the police! If she's that crazy, she might really poison you & kill you one day! Think about it! What's she going to do when your wedding day comes? Take action before you really get hurt! It's called Munchausen By Proxy! It's a mental disease where you make people you love sick on purpose!
geeksaresexy 18
This is almost certainly not MSbP, OP's mum isn't making her sick to gain attention. Making someone sick is not the only diagnostic criteria for MSbP.
mndlz 6
Fool me once, shame on you...... Why on EARTH would you continue eating ANYTHING offered by the lunatic after making this connection ??
KiddNYC1O 22
Epitome of bitch.
crazyaces89 7
That's rather dead ass of your mom...hopefully the guy will understand
skittycat213 19
Kill your mom. Jk but seriously talk to her and tell her that this is invasive and childish behaviour from her
nickolascronk 3
Move out
kitsune3 20
Um...wow. Either your mom is playing a really cruel prank, or she doesn't want you dating.
LolChia 7
Stop telling your mom when you have a date, and/or stop eating the food she handles before you go.
gman90210 18
I'd like to know what kind it is since I have tried all I can find and the pain meds I take keep me blocked up.