Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
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Top comments
giantsfan2010 23
Don't tell her?
myth454 2
You haven't caught on yet? Just don't eat the food.
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Comments (193)
lhamil64_fml 5
Why don't you eat out somewhere then? Surely she can't but then in your food if you're eating in a restaurant.
underguarded 20
Maybe not accept food or drink from your mother that day?
littlekellilee 45
Why not balance it out with Imodium? Likely not very good for your body, but you'll at least be able to go on the date.
cmb8280 24
Umm, stop eating what she gives you and fix your own damn food.
calliefornia2 3
I would invest in in depends.
mrnuleef 7
Your mom is the ultimate troll. And you are the ultimate (easiest) target.
OhhIrony 6
"Where are you going?! To another date?" "No, to the doctors because I think I may have Bowel disorder. Thanks Mom." "Oh." Problem solved :3
86ed 4
Hmm...eat food on the date and not before? Fool you once, shame on you. Fool you four times...you're an idiot.
yumcupcakes 2
Make your own food then.
yourdevilmaybeme 0
Spike that bi1¢h€š food and drink with enough laxative and ipecac to kill a dog and see how she likes it!!