Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
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Top comments
giantsfan2010 23
Don't tell her?
myth454 2
You haven't caught on yet? Just don't eat the food.
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Comments (193)
Sicilysstallion 2
Plan dinner dates so you don't have to eat at home
klx125cross 9
Make ur own food and drinks.... Don't except any thing she gives you?
DelphiCat 17
*accept. Otherwise very sound advice!
talisin_fml 0
Next time don't use the toilet.... be creative like mom.... ; )
yeongji 31
It's about time for you to not let your mother know when you will be going out on a date. Either you do that, or avoid eating food and drinking stuff on the day of your date.
rinkagamine_fml 9
First of all, you could probably get her into some trouble with the law for what she's doing if you chose to. You may want to consider that. If you don't want to go that route, then just don't tell her you're going on a date until you're about to leave, and don't eat anything she makes, either. Tell her you're not hungry or something, and then when she's out of the room, make your own food, or eat something like a granola bar that she can't put laxatives in.
Eirena 5
Honestly, if this was the fourth time, shouldn't you have learned a) not to let your mother know and/or b) to refuse any food or drink from her around the time of the date? YDI.
marramrammar 2
Ok - if you know she does it why eat what is prepared by her for you? You must not really want to go on these date subconsciously!
darkmis1 18
Then don't eat the food your mom makes you?
SuicidalSalmon 2
Cook your own food.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Why do you live with your mother? And why do you tell her about your dates? Are you sure you're not sabotaging yourself?