Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML
Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I realised I have no friends circle to call my own, no motivation to conquer the day, and no confidence to put my life back together, all because I failed the test that could get me closer to my dream job. FML
Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
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Top comments
TheHarvest 7
remember cardio!
SasaCeceGogo 18
Your answer: Watch The Walking Dead.
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Comments (147)
TheHarvest 7
remember cardio!
SakataGintoki 9
Don't forget Double Tap!!
TheHarvest 7
oh and check the back seat! lol
Perception 6
Most importantly, don't be a hero. Let Woody Harrelson go first.
Reaper5639 16
Don't forget the twinkies!
StingRay_RZA 16
Enjoy the little things... Like FML YAY!!!!!
JessalynVictoria 6
Limber up!!
dirton89 7
And aim straight for the head! No brain! NO GAIN!!
codyjohn17 5
After you're done being annoyed with yourself, you probably should work on getting a girlfriend
happle 21
And spelling "realize." Bitches love good spelling.
Meettitan 14
Don't kill Bill Murray either.
smartman136 8
There is one twinkie which will be almost indeffinately the last one. It is burried under the nickelodeon studios in a time capsule. I suggest we the fml community meet there durring the zombie apocalypse
ZombieSnoopy 9
if u run out of ammo use old vinals itll make a clean cut
happle 21
104- There's actually one in my pantry as well.
Teyros 24
You have to get Jugga-nog!
Sionnach 10
Download 'Zombies, Run!' for practice.
ICastillo 25
Stretch, Cardio and double tap and never go un dark building. Remember these and you will survive.
TheDrifter 24
Beware of bathrooms, don't get caught with your pants down.
TheWetzel 5
Limber up, check the back seat, and always-ALWAYS- wear a seatbelt.
FlyingFucker 6
Never be a hero
rawr_ily96 24
Appreciate the little things.
OhDearBetrayal 25
As you should be. No one wants a useless person that mooches off of everyone's skills and protection during a zombie attack.
ttqq 7
He'll get us all killed
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
Or he could be a meat shield or a distraction to lure away the zombies... Just a thought.
Jumpingmal2 7
#58, that's using the old noodle! You'll definitely need that to survive!
SasaCeceGogo 18
Your answer: Watch The Walking Dead.
happle 21
As long as you have duct tape, you're good.
ftw487 9
As long as you have daryl, you'll be fine
happle 21
You shouldn't rely on others, though.
charvisioku 22
Oh I dunno, Carol seems to get along fine relying on everyone else.
BlackBlazeCobra 16
Just make sure there's no Shane.
SoSickWithIt 14
Am I the only one who hates Andrea?
happle 21
No.
ftw487 9
No, everyone hates andrea
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I've hated Andrea ever since she decided to be a dumbass and not listen to everyone and shot Daryl across the field.
LolPieRofl 11
But then he finds out its too hard and decides not to.
Sakaea 22
Yep, watch The Walking Dead, and hope to be as badass as Daryl!
Spectre529 12
Not to late to learn! =)
jjessen 20
You could always crash at my place if there is ever a zombie apocalypse. I promise not to use you as a food source. ;)
happle 21
If you get bitten, it's too late.
jjessen 20
If you cut off the extremity immediately after bring bitten, there a slight chance the infection doesn't reach your brain. Either way, your probably f*cked
Spectre529 12
I may or may not trip you up if and when being chased >.>
hannaaaahr 33
*too
NeonPopRocks 14
50- I love your hair sooo much!
fml_ydi79 15
50 and 118- you look alike...
Spectre529 12
I can honestly say we aren't.. But I have to agree with some similarities =
perdix 31
Somehow I don't think your brainz are going to attract much Zombie attention. Maybe the fat Zombies on a diet will appreciate the small portion you present.
Catkam623 27
Don't forget model zombies they need brains too;)
hannaaaahr 33
All new: 'Diet Brainz' low fat, extra braincelz!
AMCJEEP 10
Lol. Watching walker Texas ranger right now.
gribbles 12
74 - I fail to see the reference here.
Mr_Mole 24
Unless you're Chuck Norris, then you lack the skills just like the rest of us.
cockymofo 10
they say that Chuck Norris is so tough that underneath his beard there is no chin, only another fist
zombieslayer83 19
If a zombie bites Chuck Norris, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris!
Catkam623 27
Oh shit 2 chuck Norris's what happens when they fight for supremacy (boom)
zombieslayer83 19
YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND MAN!!
KiddNYC1O 22
Chuck Norris is the #1.
KiddNYC1O 22
^ Oh, sorry... Chuck Norris just hacked into my account.
sens3sfailing 25
Chuck Norris doesn't need to hack your account when he already knows every password to every account. He just allows you to use his account.
BusinessTurtle 8
There is no theory of evolution, only the species Chuck Norris allows to live,
bomzo 22
Its said chuck norris cures cancer with his tears. To bad crying isn't in his dictionary.
insaneDONUTZ 15
I guess that makes two of us
ICastillo 25
Come with me if you want to live.
Kkkdawg 27
It's ok. I wouldn't survive either. My boyfriend/friends and I have already mutually agreed that I'd be the first to go, even if not infected yet. I don't want to hold them back, that's just mean.
happle 21
**** that, I'd try to save the entire world.
ttqq 7
And probably kill everyone in the process.
happle 21
Your logic is flawless.
CCSA 12
If you can't change yourself by learning a skill or two, at least you can have the peace of mind of being free from the thoughts of survival and joining the happy, brainless majority when the time comes.