Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
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Top comments
giantsfan2010 23
Don't tell her?
myth454 2
You haven't caught on yet? Just don't eat the food.
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Comments (193)
n1988e 8
Do the same thing to her once, except make sure you take her somewhere public with no restrooms close by. Then drive off and let her find her way home
TcheQ 12
This is abusive! Call child protection
vivsavage 2
Why don't you just not eat anything she gives you...?
Sheh_fml 25
I'm pretty sure you can sue her for that. Laxatives aren't that harmless, y'know.
Bekll 31
Wouldn't they mess up the body (internal plumbing so to speak) eventually?
PhishloverA 14
Don't tell her next time
N1GHTS 12
How old are you? Move out. If you can't, just don't tell her. How rude of her.
catanita 18
On the day of the date do not eat anything that she gives you. What an evil mother.
xtcolin 7
Are there any circumstances where this would be acceptable parenting? There's something wrong with your mother, instead of getting even with her you should call someone. She needs mental help.
perdix 31
Yes. 1. The OP is 12 and the "awesome guy" is 35. 2. The OP is mentally incompetent to make decisions about her own sex life. 3. The OP's husband is in the military and deployed overseas. I could go on. While these circumstances are highly unlikely, these could be reasons for the mom to take such desperate measures.
DelphiCat 17
No, none of those make POISONING someone acceptable. You can do serious long term harm with overuse and misuse of laxities, and under no circumstances should they be used in this way. If the girl is 12 and the guy is 35, call the police on the guy, don't poison your daughter. If OP was mentally incompetent to make decisions on her own sex life i doubt she would have to competence to write a FML that actually gets published. Don't poison your daughter. If OP's husband is deployed overseas tell her to stop or you WILL tell him, Don't poison your daughter.
raraisbang 12
Technically it's very unlikely that giving her laxatives 4 times is doing long term damage, and it's hardly poisoning her. I know people that put laxatives in drinks as a prank. Of course, if she continues to do it then it becomes more of a serious issue (not that it wasn't already because poisoning or not it was still wrong) and OP should contact CPS, move out, or just avoid telling mommy dearest when she's going on dates.
DukeLeto 14
Mother knows what's best for you, darling!
satanisthesavior 21
I'm going to go ahead and assume that OP didn't figure out what her mother was doing right away. Sometimes, you eat a meal and then you get the runs. OP probably didn't attribute this to laxatives until it happened a few times. I certainly wouldn't assume it was laxatives if I ate a meal then got diarrhea unless it happened multiple times...