Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
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Top comments
giantsfan2010 23
Don't tell her?
myth454 2
You haven't caught on yet? Just don't eat the food.
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Comments (193)
thaleelee 6
My dad does stuff like that to me all the time :/ it does help not to tell them tho and just say your going to the mall or something. Some parents suck...well most do.
Horstradamus 6
No, you have an abusive father. Get help.
Iniezian 18
Well, you know what she's doing, so why don't you take at least some precautions? Like, I don't know, make sure not to eat the day of a date (in addition to saving yourself from the laxatives, it'll make the food at whatever restaurant you go to taste even better).
kalbrek009 20
Op doesn't state how old she is, just that she thinks the guy was awesome...maybe op has bad taste in men, maybe the mom is a controlling psycho, maybe the mom is trying to keep her daughter from dating psychos....there's just not enough info to vote one way or the other so I'll just give her a point for each (FML for being laxatized & YDI for letting her mom know ahead of time so as to get laxatized....I know that's not a real word, but it works to make the point)
ntiger8705 2
How about using common sense n not eating her food when ur goin on the date. hmmmmmm....
lulunessly 3
It's your fourth time? You should've noticed this by now. Sorry hun, better luck next time:)
twilightdogstar 1
So maybe don't tell her? It's not that difficult.
eggmarie 25
Some people don't like lying to their parents?
GK2012 9
not telling someone doesn't necessarily mean lying. If you tell someone you're going shopping when you're going to a mall for a few minutes, looking around and then doing something else, you're not lying because you *did* shop.
perdix 31
If you're old enough to date, you're old enough to make your own food, you lazy shit!
jo929 6
Tell her to stop poisoning you! Hopefully she's not putting other stuff in your food... That could get CPS worthy!
fordneagles 34
DON'T tell her about your dates, and DON'T eat her food. It's really not difficult!
CosMicShelle 5
Stop eating food around her, then. Eat out on date days.