Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to find out my roommate had sex in my bed, because he didn't want his date to know he has a smaller bed. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML
Today, I found out my roommate has been using my bed for months because he didn't want his sheets to "smell like gay sex" when his mom washed them. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate was responsible for stealing my socks. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he did it because he likes looking at my bare feet and jerking off into my socks. We’re both guys. FML
Today, my roommate is super comfortable around me. Comfortable enough to masturbate while we are in the same room. I asked him to stop, which took some self-control because I wanted to shout at him. He said he needs to do it because of his shin splints. Whatever. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML
Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML
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Top comments
Suchagoonnn 4
Join him
RodzillaX 30
Now is the time to go ********** in their bed.
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Comments (96)
Suchagoonnn 4
Join him
timelessone 16
There can only be one!
KyraJFoxx 14
That would be beyond gross. Unless that's the kind of thing they're into. I say go with option B: invest in a lock if you don't already have one -- Hope you find a way to work this out , good luck OP
CommonSenseKarma 17
A "roommate" means that they're in the same room. That's like locking his roommate out of their whole room when he's not there. Lol
mr_sarcastic416 29
there's another FML about a girl walking in on her brother giving his friend a hand job......not you,is it?
KyraJFoxx 14
#21 , I understand "roommate" usually means more than one person sharing the same room and of course OP can't lock his 'roommate' out if that's the case but sometimes people say it meaning the person they live with. Like living in the same apartment or something (with seperate rooms) Not just "sharing a room".
AboveAll04 14
that means they would have to have a sword fight...and then someone would have to get castrated for there to only be one !
chlorinegreen 27
I have a feeling you did something that really pissed him off OP.
Enslaved 38
"There can be only one" ~Highlander
whiteboy896 9
back to back right now!
ohgeejosee 19
Maybe he wants to be in your bed.... with you ;)
Glitter_taco_ 10
If they're roommates they share a dorm, apartment, townhouse, or a room, locking the other out wouldn't be fair.
RodzillaX 30
Now is the time to go ********** in their bed.
whY402Jay 12
His bed.
RodzillaX 30
Excuse me while I go into my chamber of disgrace for no less than 30 days.
ordonblade46 3
Lol! Here, take my up vote.
RodzillaX 30
I can rest in peace now. :p
Ukeee_X 19
Invest in some sturdy locks.
TheBrochure 22
The roommate has invested in some sturdy socks!
sammyjanette 17
What if they live in the same room?
NagainaFier 16
Buddy, do you not understand the concept of the term? Do a damn google search...
erin1994 9
Do it in his bed then!
dreamweeper370 10
Time to install a lock. Gross.
davincidasecond 24
I'd kick his ass.
generalasskicker 12
Yeah that the only right way to handle this
Karen626 8
Video tape him, use it as blackmail.
diaspora_fml 26
... but only if you think you'd find the criminal conviction for that entertaining.
Barhinder 9
Maybe he's attached to the bed. I would suggest switching beds in that case.
NeatNit 33
if he allows himself to ********** in his roommate's bed, WHO KNOWS what he allows himself to do in his own bed!
Bakarra 22
Yea! Maybe he uses his offhand! Whata daredevil!
CrissyyyS2 22
Well... why don't you ********** in his bed? See how he feels. But then again... he could like it that you masturbated in his bed... now where will this be going.
HouseElf 13
I would say this could only head in one direction....
gracehi 33
One direction? ONE DIRECTION!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! *Previous FML reference*
KareBear7364 5
You should buy a lock for your room...and some new sheets of course.