Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML
Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML
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Top comments
simplysarcastics 26
Well he shouldn't be reading someones messages anyway. I dislike nosy people. Besides everyone has bowel issues every now and then...
torio123 27
Who were you sending messages to about your bowel movements? O_o
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Comments (41)
simplysarcastics 26
Well he shouldn't be reading someones messages anyway. I dislike nosy people. Besides everyone has bowel issues every now and then...
Epikouros 32
You're right, he shouldn't be nosy. And everybody has bowel movements, but most people have the decency not to send texts about them. I'm a pig with IBS and I don't even tell anybody - wait, I gotta run.
RodzillaX 30
How are your bowel movements?
Bakarra 22
Clearly noteworthy
Jharrist89 12
And possibly not worthwhile
torio123 27
Who were you sending messages to about your bowel movements? O_o
oj101 33
Her doctor most likely.
samasara 20
Parents is my guess.
xStaciexLynnx 15
You text your doctor? Dang, I need to get in with mine like that. I bet I'd get my test results much faster.
kaybee41906 13
I don't think it's weird at all if the messages were for her parents. I have a lot of digestive problems and I often end up texting my parents about it.
sigurd 11
That's not that bad?
KyraJFoxx 14
Just hope he didn't go through your messages OP. If he hasn't cracked any jokes or mysteriously vanished on you by now than he probably didn't even see the messages. That or he's respective and doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. & if that's the case , you've got nothing to worry about..If it helps
Bakarra 22
He's a guy, if he's immature he'll think it's funny if he's mature he'll understand either way there's a pretty good chance he didn't read the messages anyways...
upallnight11 19
Lets hope he didn't read your messages. He shouldn't anyways.
Mifflicious 18
Why would everything have to be attractive? I don't think you're so attrtactive when you take a shit.
karlcolt45 19
well depending on the man, you just sealed the deal!
Bakarra 22
Because girls don't poop bro! At least not til you've moved in together! (Acknowledging not condoning a social relationship trend)