Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML
Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
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Top comments
FunWriter20 0
Lol, I hope you helped her out.
MCart_fml 0
Seriously, why be the only one not getting off? Sleep is for the weak.
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Comments (92)
jm88 0
Or beat her with your--
FunWriter20 0
Lol, I hope you helped her out.
little92 13
69 likes to this comment... I think Coincidence
Peter_Ohnigian 14
Jim: "Looks like you could use an extra hand!"
MCart_fml 0
Seriously, why be the only one not getting off? Sleep is for the weak.
Aethren 0
Today, I realized you are gay, FYL
that_one_guy 0
I elohel'd at that, Aethren. Seriously though, your chick wanted some of that action, you shoulda jumped at the opportunity.
Spinach 0
When I first read this, I thought it was your mom having sex, and that would have been an issue. But your roommate? Get over it and get on your girlfriend.
Dr_Phil 0
Dude ... why didn't you just get on her? You f'd your own life.
beerpong26 0
Obviously you dont know how to please your girl
blah_blah_shity 0
why didnt you bone her? lol
Inkspell 2
I'm 15 and i even know what to do in that situation. psh. You fail.
thorfinntheassri 0
I'm 14 and I know what to do in that situation. power fail