"ich liebe meine scheide" just say that everywhere you go

remember, the universal language for ordering at a restaraunt is point at the item listed.

Don't **** your life, you are just stupid.

You could have tried learning about the culture instead of just the language. This was one of the very first things we learned about Austria & Germany, that the language varies from region to region.

oh no I'm in a country where I don't know the language. it's called traveling.

Don't worry! I had the same problem when I went to Germany on exchange, and I was staying in Hannover, the home of Hochdeutsch. You hear a bit of slang or a funny pronunciation and instantly start doubting yourself. You'll find the same thing all over German speaking countries - just little differences or ones that are so dramatic you wonder if they're speaking Chinese or something. Austria is particularly difficult, as the locals are very proud of their dialect and are unlikely to switch to Hochdeutsch for you, but I promise that if you are attentive and patient you'll have picked up at least enough to get by on in no time. They will appreciate you taking time to learn the local language, as a lot of people just come in and start arrogantly speaking English. Be willing to learn and convinced of your abilities and you'll have the time of your life.

Don't worry, they will understand you and "lower" to your level. It's a dialect, not a language of it's own, so they're supposed to speak normal german too

Sprechen Sie Hochsdeutsch? But that would make sense, along with Langsam Bitte. Or Leider spreche ich nicht so gut Deutsch.

Only difference is they roll their R's. If its not the german you learned I'd consider having a word with your teacher

You will be fine, the dialects are different, but if you listen closely, it is mostly in the pronunciation. The dialects are still very similar, and the people are used to tourists, as it is a lovely country. Just be patient, and the people you encounter will be able to help you figure out what you want and need. Plus, if you are terribly frustrated, and really cannot understand a word (which I highly doubt if you actually have studied the German language) most European countries, also require English to be taught, as a second language. Try not to fall back on that if possible. You want to learn the language and culture fully. Goodluck, have a blast, and relax! You are not the first person Austrian's have encountered with this issue.

Okay Oberösterreich is auch hart ^_^ oba waunst Hüfe brauchst sags ma, mein Vater is vo dort, des Konn i a ;)

This is something that you should have discovered in your initial planning stages. You really should be more careful. Good luck getting out of your jam; you're gonna need it.