Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML
Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML
Today, I found out that I was moving to Germany. I'm going to be put back a year in school because of the system change. I also don't speak a word of German. Why? Because my mother wants to brag about this experience to her friends. FML
Today, my German colleague complained that when I spoke German, I had a Swiss accent in it, which was "not nice to hear". Well Honey, we live in Switzerland, what accent did you expect us to have when you moved here? FML
Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML
Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
Today, I went to the hairdresser for the first time in the country I just moved to. Guess I don't speak the language as well as I thought. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
"ich liebe meine scheide" just say that everywhere you go
badbunny 0
remember, the universal language for ordering at a restaraunt is point at the item listed.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (204)
doof_fisch 2
I had four years of high school German and was an "A" student. When I finally got to go to Germany about 14 years later, I was excited about the possibility of using what I had learned. I was hiking with a friend through a forest and we stayed overnight at a hut. There were several German soldiers staying overnight there, too. They were all talking a language I absolutely could not understand. I was so upset and disappointed that the four years of German had been a waste of time. Suddenly, one of the soldiers said to my friend, "Verstehen Sie ihnen?" WOW ! I could understand that guy! My friend said, "Nein." I said the same thing. "Then he asked me in German where I'm from (Woher kommen Sie?) and I replied, "Minnesota." I asked him where he was from and he replied, "Ich komme aus Texas!" LOL And so my first legitimate, understandable conversation in Germany was with a fellow American! (BTW - I learned later that the dialect being spoken there was Schwaebisch - something that many Germans themselves cannot understand.) Bottom Line: You'll do fine. Enjoy the experience no matter how frustrating. You are building memories.
xNephilim 19
Dude that just made my day. The area I grew up in had Schwaebisch as the local dialect and I just love hearing about it. :D My own dialect used to be semi-bad when I was younger, but as I grew up, I realized how stupid it sounded, so I kinda grew into speaking Hochdeutsch, with a few little quirks, haha.
Elchin_fml 0
OP, relax, I live in Germany for already 5th year, and I speak no German :D And have no plans for learning it ))
lettertjes 0
YDI for not knowing such a basic fact about a country where you're going to spend half a year. Also, you will get used to it.
germangirl_fml 0
their "german" is a halskrankheit! FYL
Neea 2
You do realize Germany and Austria are two different countries? Might wanna check your facts on Europe next time :P
wiegehtesdir 0
hey i'm here until july and i felt the exact same way as you my first few weeks here. but you'll pick up the language soon enough. i'm in vienna and we have an AWESOME dialect! i can say 'shut up' like 5 different ways. just look on the bright side, at least you're not in switzerland. THEY speak really ****** up german. good luck!:)
tamitronic 0
hehe, I'm from Austria but from the very western part of Austria. Here, the dialect is even worse und less understandable. Our dialects really really suck.
elendiger_lumpi 0
Our dialects are the part that makes our language so adorable!
LiLaLottie 0
i'm german and even i don't understand any of these dialects.
anonymous45610 0
always room to learn (:
lolman234 0
haha ja ich weiss wie es geht uberall in deutschland gibt es dialekte der osterreichische ist aber ziemlich schwer mach es dir nichts. du gewohnst dich bald dran