Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML
Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML
Today, I found out that I was moving to Germany. I'm going to be put back a year in school because of the system change. I also don't speak a word of German. Why? Because my mother wants to brag about this experience to her friends. FML
Today, my German colleague complained that when I spoke German, I had a Swiss accent in it, which was "not nice to hear". Well Honey, we live in Switzerland, what accent did you expect us to have when you moved here? FML
Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML
Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
Today, I went to the hairdresser for the first time in the country I just moved to. Guess I don't speak the language as well as I thought. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
"ich liebe meine scheide" just say that everywhere you go
badbunny 0
remember, the universal language for ordering at a restaraunt is point at the item listed.
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Comments (204)
allmidnighteyes 11
"ich liebe meine scheide" just say that everywhere you go
helennaa 0
Hahaha, that's terrible advice. Don't do it.
glassisass 0
i love my ******? hehehe
KingAfter 0
lol, I guess she knows what that means if she speaks German (except the Austrian dialect, which really is a little different) but I'm sure you'll get used to it and get to know the differences, it's not THAT different! And I'm sure there are some people who speak ordinary German somewhere around, maybe the younger generations, who could teach you about the differences. don't FYL, but Ydon'tDI either.
cs2sasuke741 0
XD
8trickster8 0
Anyone else think of the Monty Python Hungarian translation book sketch? =o
PunxsatownyPhil 0
My hovercraft is full of eels. And how did you not know that in your class? Even WITHIN Germany they have different dialects.
Antivirus_fml 0
"Ich bin eine Nutte, und ich tue es kostenlos" Say this instead.
FIB 0
yeah... do it. btw you should try switzerland. try that dialect ;)
___juuules 0
ahahaha that's pretty epic :D
vivienmoore 0
actualy, the Austrian just have a specific way of saying things. they say grues got instead of hello, but it's not much different. if you really speak german it will take you about an hour to adapt.
woooooooooooooow 6
Germans say Gruess Gott as well...
xNephilim 19
Oh you have no clue just how different dialects can be. I was born and raised in Germany, Baden Württemberg to be exact and the first time I went to Bavaria, their dialect was extremely hard for me to understand. It's insane, really. A non-native person would have even more trouble.
ToxicTyrael 26
If you want to impress them say sth like "oida i bin die greßte schlompn und i fick umasunst!"
hetilla 0
Well youll learn it eventually
vivienmoore 0
Come on! No one leaves school knowing a foreign language! Thinking you do is stupid. They don't teach you the most basic skills!
Rocksygen 0
Or you could just speak English.
arsenalfcboy 6
Um... no.
Rocksygen 0
Why not?
JaneDoe_71 0
Cause the purpose of being in a foreign country for months is to learn the language? Hmmmmmmmm let me think about this....
jigz_fml 0
you ******* lazy bastard. why should everybody speak english? why can't you just spend £5 on a phrase book and make a bit of effort? twat
Rocksygen 0
I just gave the OP and option and that doesn't give you any reason to judge me and call me "lazy". Personally i prefer French, rather than English, it's closer to my language. You should go out more.
expen_dable 0
french is closer to what language?
Rocksygen 0
To Romanian. It's like half French. And i learn both French and English at my school.
voveraite 7
@ Rocksygen: Sa inteleg ca ai da-o pe franceza indiferent de limba bastinasilor? aha... OT: I don't believe you OP. Unless you studied extremely little German, in which case you'd have been screwed in Germany as well. I also speak only Hochdeutsch (not first language) and I've never had any troubles in Austria, lol. On the other hand, if your destination was a village, or you were surrounded by old people only, then it's possible...
renaet 0
Don't they speak English in Austria? Just add mate to the end of every sentence.......
Phoenix_GAD 0
I really hope this was a joke. That AUSTRALIA not austria. =/
xzilx 1
haha omg, thats funny
saunder 0
??stupid??
Rayn4u_fml 0
No, don’t speak English lol! However #46, if you’re not German, Austrian is obviously hard to understand. Even a German person can have trouble with it sometimes. Accents are hard to understand if you are foreign and are learning any language for that matter. But if the OP stays in Austria long enough she’ll get used to it. She also could have checked the country out before going there though…
hijkl00 0
#55 - I hope YOU are joking. There is a country called Austria in Europe. Hence all the references to Germany. Australia is a completely different place than what the OP is talking about.
Rayn4u_fml 0
#121, #55 was just answering #53
lolsan 0
Thats Australia. Dumbass.
ChocolateEclaire 0
At least in Vienna/Wien, most people speak some English.
ChocolateEclaire 0
Austria is in Europe. Australia is in a completely different hemisphere and is its own continent. I would know, I've been to Austria. People like you make me ashamed to be American.
___juuules 0
it depends on the area you are staying at. If you're in the western parts of Austria, such as Vorarlberg or Tirol, the dialect is very very different from "hochdeutsch" and even for me ( i was born and live in Austria) difficult to understand.
___juuules 0
sorry, i was replying to #46
mrf07960 0
Oh my gosh, I didn't know anyone could be so dumb...
crazyjack 0
you'll get the hang of it by then ;D i can understand german, austrian german, bavarian, swavian, and even some swiss german
jigz_fml 0
get the **** over it, you'll get used to it in the next week or two. unless you're in Tirol, then maybe a wee bit longer!!
agexofxaquarius 2
Well, you have a lot of time there, so you will definitely learn. Don't worry about it.
jigz_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
it's exactly that ******* attitude that makes brits/americans look bad when they travel. you lazy ******* bastard
jcrook 0
It's no like she was like, 'I'm going to live in Austria for a few months but **** learning the language. I've never learnt a language in my life - learning languages is for fags. Why should I learn a language just because I'm going to a country where the primary language isn't English?' No, she spent what was probably a long time learning German; it was just her bad luck that she didn't realise that the dialect is so different to regular 'German' German. I'm not sure what you think her 'attitude' is, or what part of that 'attitude' makes her a 'lazy ******* bastard'?
FranzFerdinand 18
Well, I'd agree it was good she learned the language, but you'd think OP would research a bit about her destination before going… maybe that way she would have found out the difference in dialects. You shouldn't just go somewhere without looking these things up, so YDI OP.
paintedchocolate 30
Even if OP did her research she probably still would've underestimated the differences between Austro-German and regular German. My step-sister is from Germany and was well aware of the fact that a different dialect is spoken in Austria. Yet, when she came to visit for the first time she still was shocked when she realised just how different.
miss_kitty_2009 0
You'll pick up on the language. Trust me. I've lived overseas before. the first 6 - 8 weeks are the worst. but after that 8th week you'll be fine! Austria is GORGEOUS! Enjoy it, eat some delicious chocolate. The hills are alive with the sound of music, go visit the hills. =)
MNSam86 0
Like most people who study the language in America, you probably just think you know German but really suck at it. Here's your opportunity to actually learn.
Nobinx 15
No, even germans from the very north and the very south can have huge problems in understanding each other! Really thick dialect down there, we northerns call it foreign country XD And austria isn't even germany, it is even more south and foreign.
badbunny 0
remember, the universal language for ordering at a restaraunt is point at the item listed.