Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML
Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
Today, my German colleague complained that when I spoke German, I had a Swiss accent in it, which was "not nice to hear". Well Honey, we live in Switzerland, what accent did you expect us to have when you moved here? FML
Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML
Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML
Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
that's when you scream "NEIN NEIN NEIN"
HortonThelephant 15
Sprechen sie dick!
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Comments (76)
HortonThelephant 15
Sprechen sie dick!
ottokat 15
speaking of which, what kind of douchebag takes advantage of someone who obviously can't communicate very well??
hghrider123456 9
that's when you scream "NEIN NEIN NEIN"
Wizardo 34
That's when you dial it too...
chelseaaababyyy 17
This made me think of Impractical Jokers. 'SHUT YOUR FACE, GRANDMA!'
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Who ARE you, Herman Cain?!
jw90 18
Hiel Dickler
ShoyuSauceSoup 26
Some words really have different meanings in other languages...
Futacy 30
"I annoy kids" in Spanish is "Yo molesto niños." It's just one false cognate that can horrify native English-speakers if not understood.
NYKTim 5
Ew. That's just gross OP. Old men shouldn't be hitting on people that's disgusting.
Flowtastic 16
Do you have some magical number for the age that they're supposed to stop?
Rainhawk94 27
69
squidgy787 22
#4- OP said he was middle aged, not on death's door. I'm middle aged and think I look pretty dang good. Am I now banned from chatting people up because I'm no longer in my twenties?
RedPillSucks 33
Aw crap! When did 32 become middle age? I'm buried under the damn hill.
queerdragon 20
I mean, he didn't try to touch Op. He said his apartment was around the corner, Op is the one who nodded and went along with it. She was giving all the signs that she was interested in him. How is he "ew" when Op was the one who made the mistake?
graceinsheepwear 34
I don't think 32 is commonly considered middle aged. That cracks me up. When will you be calling yourself old? 42?
esines 9
I'm pretty sure this guy is being sarcastic... I honestly can't believe you all took him seriously
yellowaholic 25
I don't think that was sarcasm...
ywolfgl 21
Sucks when you don't know the language! You won't know who's hitting on you
ryanthecheeseguy 18
Hate it when that happens.
starile 20
Yeah, she prolly missed out on a chance with a great guy bc of it... keep asking dudes if their pensions are nearby, OP. You'll get laid after all.
maria05136 16
That sucks OP :/ but just be glad the old guy didn't try anything
RedPillSucks 33
Or maybe be saddened by it... *damn. Even old prunes wont hit on me*
rakooligan 11
Score!
singer0421 32
He may have been creepy but at least he didn't try to take you to his apartment.
starile 20
Actually, he did try. She just didn't know.
SymphonyGrrl 12
English-German can be really weird. "Stewardess" translates to "juice pusher" in German, and it's actually a derogatory term.
askullnamedbilly 33
Actually, most Germans will just use 'stewardess' or 'Flugbegleiter/in' (flight companion). No one in Germany will be offended or confused by the word stewardess since we do use it ourselves, and no one in their right mind will translate it to mean 'Saftschubse' or juice pusher. Unless they WANT to offend the stewardess, of course.
JanisEvans 10
Exactly.
AussieChick101 13
Take it as a compliment! He liked you enough to want to take you back to his "pension".