Today, I met my new 7ft tall and heavily muscular neighbor. Before I could say anything, he greeted me in his really deep voice with, "Excuse me, but is this yours?" He was holding my muddy 3-year-old son, who he'd found in his backyard, by his jumpers like a stuffed cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was frantically woken up from a nap by my son who was scared because there was a dog in the house. We don't own a dog. It was the new neighbor's dog. When my son opened the door to go play outside, the dog came barreling in. My kid and cats were terrified. FML
Today, I was getting out of my car, when my new neighbor asked if I'd help him unhitch a trailer. On my way over, he said, "Oh never mind, I thought you were a boy." I am a boy. FML
Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML
Today, at the park, a toddler ran up to me yelling “Daddy!” and hugged my legs. Trying to be nice, I patted his head and said, “Hey, buddy, I’m not your dad.” His actual dad appeared behind me, wearing the same shirt, same haircut, and looked at me like I’d just tried to kidnap his child. FML
Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML
Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. He ran straight into a muddy pond, came back to shake himself off, and got mud all over my freshly cleaned white hoodie. A stranger passing by gave us a thumbs up and said, “Good boy!” I'm not sure who he was talking to. FML
Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML
Today, after a week out of town, I came home to discover my front door unlocked. I was greeted by a reeking old lady and her gorging obese middle-aged daughter with a "Who the fuck are you?" and "What are you doing in my son's house?" Said son is the former owner, from whom I legally bought this house four years ago. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
interesting33 37
I am not a parent and I don't know much about kids, but how did your son get out of the house and outside? What if he'd gone into the road? I genuinely don't know the protocol with three year olds though, is it ok to leave them unsupervised if they are in the other room or something?
tarabella 7
Excuse me but i don't understand where the FML is in this. You were a careless parent, obviously not paying attention to what your 3 year old son was doing and your neighbour was returning him to you. Would you rather have liked it if your toddler toddled into traffic or any other dangerous situation? And you were a careless parent, if your kid had time to go to the neighbours garden and get muddy he must have been unsupervised for quite a while.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (14)
interesting33 37
I am not a parent and I don't know much about kids, but how did your son get out of the house and outside? What if he'd gone into the road? I genuinely don't know the protocol with three year olds though, is it ok to leave them unsupervised if they are in the other room or something?
Ashamed_Sister 60
Exactly what I thought. How did a three-year-old get into the neighbours backyard?
julfunky 29
My nephew, 3, is often left alone in the next room as my sister-in-law puts my niece down for a nap. However, there are baby gates in place to ensure he doesn’t walk out the front door or down the steps.
TxKitten79 10
One time I was napping while my son was taking his nap. He'd woken up, scooted a chair up to the door, and unlocked the dead bolt, then went outside. The next day I installed a sliding lock way up high that he couldn't reach. Kids are smart, and some are escape artists. And when you have kids you'll see that they will come to with things you never even thought about. I'm sure OP had the same thoughts and worries that you just brought up. without knowing the full story, it's not fair to judge.
Glowworm56 27
My coworker has recently discovered that her 1 year old daughter has been getting out of her crib by piling her teddy bears. Guess she's been learning a lot from her gymnastics classes too.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Looks like Jack didn't need to plant the magic beans in order to meet the giant.
tarabella 7
Excuse me but i don't understand where the FML is in this. You were a careless parent, obviously not paying attention to what your 3 year old son was doing and your neighbour was returning him to you. Would you rather have liked it if your toddler toddled into traffic or any other dangerous situation? And you were a careless parent, if your kid had time to go to the neighbours garden and get muddy he must have been unsupervised for quite a while.
wolfygirl626 8
i think the fml was that her son got out and pissed off the mountain next door. i wouldnt just jump to call her careless, people literally cant watch their child every second of every day. she might have had to look away or go into the other room for a second. there was many times i managed to get out when i was little so i know how easy it is to get that door open starting at 1 1/2 years old :P
bl3ur0z3 17
For everybody judging the OP, kids slip away. We rely on the rest of the household sometimes. It happens and we're so grateful when it's not the disaster it could be. That being said, the FML is how the neighbor was handling the child and that this seems to be a rare interaction.........I remember being awakened from a nap once to somebody in my livingroom shouting "is anybody here? Do these belong to you?" I came out and a woman I'd never met and have never seen since was standing in my livingroom with my 2yo and 4yo. Apparently my husband went to the store and the kids took it upon themselves to go to the park across the (very quiet) street. My husband thought my teen had them, my teen thought I had them and I thought somebody awake who wasn't sick had them. Being the only one there, I got to be the bad parent. But I didn't beat myself up. While I don't like that she welcomed herself into my home, I do appreciate that my children were returned safely and I made them take naps with me. It also would have been about 5 minutes later that their absence would have been noticed as my mother was there and my teen was also at the park.
allie2590 31
People don't understand how crafty toddlers can be
gavanator127 8
Sounds like the start of a romance novel tbh
Glowworm56 27
At least the neighbor seems nice.
Kruxon 11
Well on the bright side at least you know your neighbour is a muscular giant who's kind enough to return your little cuddles who's probably messing up their backyard.. well he didn't eat your honeybunch.