Today, my boyfriend and I are on our way back from vacation. It will be an eight hour drive. It just so happens I got food poisoning the night before we left, and there's roadwork everywhere. We're at a dead halt with no signs of moving. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. We're in the middle of nowhere and have a 4-hour drive home. FML
Today, I threw up while on a road trip. My boyfriend asked what made me sick, but I didn't want to tell him that his belching the entire time smelled so goddamn bad it made me physically sick. FML
Today, after a week of staying in at night and fighting off a persistent cold, I was finally feeling well again, so I decided to go to my boyfriend's work BBQ. I got food poisoning. FML
Today, I was in a huge traffic jam with my boyfriend due to heavy snowfall. After being in the car for 4 hours, we were stuck in a tunnel with hundreds of cars behind and in front of us. Then the diarrhea hit. I had to shit in a plastic bag in the car. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
Today, I'm finally visiting my long-distance boyfriend in his home country. He has a vomit-inducing migraine, and the traditional food he fed me triggered the worst kidney attack I've had in years. We're both lying on the couch writhing in pain. Yay, quality time together. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend out to dinner to an expensive restaurant. He overate, and now I have to nurse him through food poisoning. FML
Today, I'm on a road trip with my wife and in-laws. After 8 hours of driving we stopped at a hotel to rest overnight. I was elected to go to the grocery store to get dinner. While I was gone, they ate at a restaurant without me. I spent $80 on groceries for the trash can. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, I went on a roadtrip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Bano360 25
Whoever is thinking about making "the comment", don't do it.
perdix 31
Hmm, getting downvoted sounds like a *lowers sunglasses* shitty situation.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (81)
Bano360 25
Whoever is thinking about making "the comment", don't do it.
thecrazymancan 17
What comment would that be?
Bano360 25
A lot of people will know. It's the most common comment to do with fmls involving shit. It just gets downvoted.
KeXu 6
"what unfortunate circumstance"?
gracehi 33
You mean, "That's a shi--" *Gets shot in the head by the FML sniper*
DefiningDivine 13
Now look what you've done! You're giving them ideas!
Verst 16
Speaking of ideas, if OP needs to go THAT badly, just pull over. It'll be worth it.
perdix 31
Hmm, getting downvoted sounds like a *lowers sunglasses* shitty situation.
wingedangel123 8
Don't you know that the more a person is told not to do something, they'll just want to do it even more?
Sputnikspak 13
31 - YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH
Lavitz Slambert 13
Well I guess you could say... you were... shit out of luck! ba dum ts.
SolarFlare 20
Ow.., you'll be buried, my friend. ba dum ts.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Actually, shit out of luck sat with me better than "a shitty situation". A LOT better. I didn't have the urge to toss him off of a cliff.
Smoldering 15
Your name is very interesting number 38.
ryanthecheeseguy 18
You tried
Pinkgal123 24
Did you not see number 1s comment?
woainishamu 21
Your bowels are definitely moving.
SyntheticSmile 5
Shit
Uramonkey 11
Piss
Grolschie 8
Off
jarrettd 27
Then fly
Uramonkey 11
High
Uramonkey 11
Into the sky
flockz 20
then fall and die
flockz 20
because you're not a bird.
confusedAsFuck 34
cause you're a ****, and ***** don't fly
Uramonkey 11
I'm in a plane
flockz 20
shit.
Neyuu 18
I'm on a horse.
UFIUETSimpdesign 5
Sorry that suks nuts
thatisaWIN 5
How much effort does it take to add that "c" in? Also, give a little more thought to your comment. Not trying to be a bully, just constructive criticism.
WellThatSucked89 13
I wouldn't care at that point! If I had food poisoning, either people can watch me vomit or they can watch me shit, cause I am sick and don't give a damn about manners anymore. But seriously op, try and hold as best you can but if you can't, there is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens.
Enslaved 38
I bet squeezing your butt checks together will feel like an aerobic workout! :P FYL OP-- food poisoning sucks! I once got ill from oysters. I love them but fear ever eating them again.
starile 20
Same happened with me and delicious cocktail shrimp. They are so tempting but I wouldn't dare.
Sputnikspak 13
My Dad discovered he's allergic to clams on a trip to PEI. Spent two days puking out the car window. NOT AWESOME.
ty7in_topic 31
Maybe you should've taken a plane. There's no chance of severe traffic and there's restrooms where you can shit and vomit all you like.
Enslaved 38
Then how will they get their car home? :P
finnrambo 13
those restrooms are always filled with some fat mongoloid though who takes 3 hours to wipe the huge span of his/hers ass crack
starile 20
#21, OP could be that person! Why deprive them of that?
MerrikBarbarian 9
Road workers usually have an outhouse along the way. I doubt they would refuse to let you use it if you asked.
sexualbbw 4
Actually every construction site has 1... But usually if you don't have work boots or a hard hat they can let into their site due to safety :(
gracehi 33
Just grab yourself a towel, play some loud fiesta music, and "Rat Race" it. Don't worry, OP. No one can hear you, so push away.