Today, I found out that I was moving to Germany. I'm going to be put back a year in school because of the system change. I also don't speak a word of German. Why? Because my mother wants to brag about this experience to her friends. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML
Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML
Today, I excitedly told my family that, after years of studying and dedication, I've been awarded a full scholarship to Germany. My mom's reaction was to start sobbing about me becoming a "heathen" and my dad and brother started telling Nazi jokes. FML
Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML
Today, my mom booked a family trip to Sweden. This would be great, if she hadn't asked me to tell our former German exchange student that we were coming to visit her in Germany. She was thrilled. Now I have to be the one to let her down. FML
Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML
Today, I came home to visit my family after a year at college. Expecting to impress them, I proudly informed them that I now speak fluent Swedish. Imagine my surprise when my mother said, "That's a useless language" and everyone agreed. FML
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
Today, my mom scolded me for ruining my sister's "vacation" here. She just got deported from abroad, and was only gone for 2 months after falling for a marriage scam. Now she deludes to herself that she was born and raised there, and claims not to understand our mother tongue, calling it third world primate language. FML
Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML
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Top comments
kameryn25 3
that's not so bad at least Germans drink like crazy and you can drive as fast as you want in some parts of the country. sounds like any teenagers dream.
Iamnotmyself 17
You know what, this is not ok, you should scare her with a bunny, get garden gnomes to conspire against her, and throw away any childhood awards. Then sue.
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Comments (170)
tybtab 5
thats what you get for being russian
kameryn25 3
that's not so bad at least Germans drink like crazy and you can drive as fast as you want in some parts of the country. sounds like any teenagers dream.
BooGhosted 0
I thought Russians drank more! They got their vodka.
tatababe 1
OP protest!!! Pit your foot down and put your mom in her place
Ldesu 0
One word: Oktoberfest.
sweet_candy_ 17
5 lets not forget about the Irish.
IndiRae 9
23- Hey now. Ha, only kidding. What a bunch of drunken bastards most of us really are. But no more than America I'm sure, crazy *******.
enonymous 9
I'm not seeing the FML... Germany after the war was broken up into 4 quarters. East was controlled mainly by Russians since the late 80s or 1990. Last time I was in Berlin it felt like little Moscow.
TenderizeMe 0
**** or Auschwitz
BooGhosted 0
Omg, how did I forget the Irish. Terribly sorry to all those drunken Irish reading this! Probably think I'm stupid..
enonymous 9
As an Irish German I'm terribly offended by all of you... For not bringing Beer or Jameson whiskey.
DrIDGAF 7
Germany is a beautiful place. Also, you can catch on to some of the German words rather quickly, due to some of them being spelled so closely to the English spelling. By the way, no trolling, but I think the Audubon is the only part of Germany where there is an unrestricted speed limit.
gojira666 7
German chicks are really good looking tho. Im actually kinda jealous.
PSQ91 6
ROFL @41. AUTOBAHN! Which actually means highway, motorway... You can't drive at unlimited speed on all of the auotbahn, although most of it is unlimited :)
ChibiGirl5 0
Nice other FML references.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Glad I'm Finnish, and the only tradition we're known for is sauna's (properly said Sow-nuh, not saw-nuh) Sober and clean since 1994 5 points for me
rca1990 0
There are more highways where you could go As fast As your car lets you but above 130km/h (+- 80m/h) your insurance doen't pay put when you total your car or someone elses. Sorry for the bad english but i'm Dutch;)
AustrianChaos 3
Except that you have to be 18 to get your driver's licence. And IF you drive too fast, the fees there are nasty as hell.
xoconnie 8
ask if u can stay with a relative back at home!!!!! aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins?! if not and ur 18- go rent an apartment. seriously come on man!
Arch27 27
Doesn't help that the OP is a woman.
brianjman14 23
Haha, I'm Irish AND a little German. I must be the town drunk.
megerz1113 0
23- I'm complete Irish and the stereotype about us drinking…it's completely true, theres no party like an Irish mans party!!
KattAlex 4
I'm German, Irish and Russian. I think I see alcoholism in my future.
RealSkateboards 0
Hey
IndiRae 9
115- Until you live in Ireland. You don't even know an 'Irish mans party' Shit gets real.
My_Name_Is_ 5
I believe koreans drink the most...i've never seen so many people go into bars for breakfast
CommonSenseKarma 17
Yeah, because every teenager's dream is to drink heavily and drive 120 mph (or, excuse me, the equivalent in kph). Or maybe some young adults actually give two ***** about their lives.
sandyandellie 5
2- nah. that sounds like a death-trap to me, the last nail in the coffin type thing.
AceHigh 9
41- Haha actually, it's "Autobahn"
ShadowRaptor 9
Actually over 60% of the Autobahn is restricted...but that's not to say the speed limits are low. OP, Germany is an awesome country. If you have to move internationally, that's the place to go. Otherwise just put your foot down.
mrahhhhh 21
Shit, sorry.
StoryOfTheYear 15
What had you done to shit that required an apology?
mrahhhhh 21
****, you should know what I mean. And no, before you ask, I'm NOT talking to ****.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Hi NOT talking to ****, pleased to meet you
xlord 27
Bazinga
HahaYDI 0
Fatality.
koe4 0
Pickles.
Insane_Tea 15
Scattagoris.
Iamnotmyself 17
You know what, this is not ok, you should scare her with a bunny, get garden gnomes to conspire against her, and throw away any childhood awards. Then sue.
ChibiGirl5 0
Hahahah
StoryOfTheYear 15
*cough*
Iamnotmyself 17
-57 *giggle at inside joke*
ollie179 21
Stay away from the showers...
RuckasNucka 0
I hear those Nazis love school.
regsworld11 2
What a selfish mother!!
FMLandurstoo 9
When she's older take her to a retirement home in Germany. See how she likes that.
techweed 12
In Soviet Russia... Moms brag about sh*t
Iamnotmyself 17
-10 In the United States of America and other western civilizations... They do the exact same thing! Ahaha who woulda known?
theunknowned 1
Like how big their poop is? ;) haha
StoryOfTheYear 15
It's like they were making a joke, or something
brotastic 0
Ugh I hate stupid ass parents who do dumb shit to their kids just to get attention. Were people too.
josiebella 1
*we're = we are were= past tense of are
Volke 4
Yeah, tell her no, and find a way to stay in the country.
Ladiesman247 0
German's speak English quite fluently actually :3
BooGhosted 0
Well actually so can every other human being all it takes is the ability to learn!
PSQ91 6
Damn right :)
StoryOfTheYear 15
That's because all european countries are quite near each other and very much rely on each other for support, hence the necessity of knowing English, along with a few others The reason Americans only know English is because the US and (most of) Canada speak English so for the most part English is all we'll ever need, as a Minnesotan I don't need to learn "Iowanian" Also English is the most universal language in at least the Western world, if not the world
ngarcia333 0
I treat with many Germans cuz I live in Spain and I'm tellin' ya they speak better English then most brits.
VeganVampyre 27
64- Have you ever met a German? I only know one German person that can't speak English, and yes, I know a lot of Germans.
iMonkey 0
That's awesome! Hopefully they also speak Russian quite fluently otherwise our dear tovarishch (friend, acquaintance) here is SOL
poppinblue 9
-64 Most Germans actually speak very fluent English, but choose not to..idk why but it's just that way I actually have a lot of german relatives so no offense to any Germans, but that's actually what happened to me when I visited Germany
yulenne_fml 7
I kind of live in Berlin and they do not speak quite fluently english there, most of them know the basics and that's all.
cmyk 19
Working as a cashier i have still find a german who speak english.. When i ask 'cash or credit?' they answer in german. When i ask if they need help, they answer in german.. This happen both in england and norway.. So.. Good luck op!!
laurenasabutton 26
Regardless of whether they can or not, that won't help OP much when he needs to sit his exams in German. Moreover, I can imagine his peers and teachers would much prefer to speak in their native tongue rather than changing to accommodate him all the time.