Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, my mother-in-law purchased matching Christmas presents for myself and my sister-in-law to open together in front of everyone. Guess who are now the proud owners of matching metal tampon cases. FML
Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML
Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML
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Top comments
Conasaur 8
Name tags my friend. Name tags.
funnyguy2697 6
why would you give your girlfriend a vibrator?? Isn't that what you're there for?
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Comments (161)
KingCeltic77 18
I would give the girlfriend the vibrator when my mom is NOT around. Just saying.
iShanny 13
I thought the same, then realized the FML doesn't actually say that mom and girlfriend opened their gifts in each other's presence. OP could have given them the gifts in advance and just watched his mom open hers. Meanwhile, somewhere else, the girlfriend is wondering why her boyfriend gave her old lady slacks...
Enslaved 38
The gift of ******? Mom will love it! Btw if that's what you bought your girlfriend, you probably should have given it to her last night in private and started off Christmas early!
nycwrestler 17
Or just give her am ****** without one... If you're capable.
perdix 31
Unless you can shake your penis awfully fast, she's going to become more and more disappointed with you. Maybe you'll get invited to the wedding when she marries Steely Dan.
nycwrestler 17
She'll be gasping harder when she uses the gift.
Enslaved 38
Poor girlfriend. That must mean she got the handheld blender instead.
nycwrestler 17
Hopefully the girlfriend won't try to use that as a vibrator...
Enslaved 38
Ugh! My mind wasn't going there-- until you planted that image. :P Smoothie anyone?
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
I'm wondering why you would've gave your girlfriend the vibrator in front of your mum anyways..
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
24- Didn't realize a few people already commented this.-. Also, someone correct me if I'm wrong, but is it "would've gave" or "would've given" ? 0.o
senor_awesome 14
I believe it's "would've given".
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
40- Thank you!:3 Lol it's been bugging me
senor_awesome 14
43- You're welcome. Always happy to help.
1dvs_bstd 41
The ol' switch-a-roo works everytime.
rattusrattus 19
Gift tags???
tintaroja 14
If I were your mother, I would say: How did you know I wanted one?
Blonde_Babe143 7
Try different wrapping paper.?
zombiekitten87 12
It's kind of sick you'd give your girlfriend a vibrator to be unwrapped in front of your mom
ksuth 25
OP didn't say they were going to be opening their gifts together.