Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML
Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
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Top comments
unixdude 9
...and you are thankful for ****** on Craigslist because you girlfriend is too much of a prude.
kimee21_fml 15
But it is funny!
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Comments (176)
kimee21_fml 15
But it is funny!
xosportsgirl14x 8
Seriously. And be happy that your girlfriend and family get along well enough to talk like that.
MrLookAtThere 10
Tell them the joke: "what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you've just told her twice." and then stare at her menacingly
TruthBeTold36 3
You could go the abuse route. Or maybe just invite her to bring the ***** along next time the mood strikes. Everyone wins!
speshlk37 13
That's when you say you're thankful for you're other girlfriend who goes down on you without asking.
yetanotherginger 19
Who needs to ask for it?
G0v3nat0r 7
^^ agreed
n_epic_fail 14
And now you know what to get her for Christmas...
blackheart24 10
Tell her you're thankful for Palm-a-the Handerson ;)
zack11742 7
Wow bitch I'd say go the dump her loser butt route
MyMilkShake2Yard 0
U should have just said "well I'm thankful for my left hand, it's always useful and handy (pun intended)"
Jirekianu2 19
So publicly embarassing someone about in front of theur family is hilarious now? He should make a cheese on the taco joke if she gets an infection. Then I guarantee it won't be funny.
always_smile_fml 3
It's not her fault he can't please her. It's his.
jorrrk 0
Agreed
My_Sweet_Shadow 4
That does make for an awkward situation but at least you can take the initiative and find out how to properly please her.
Naitsi 19
so true
unixdude 9
...and you are thankful for ****** on Craigslist because you girlfriend is too much of a prude.
cupcakeluver1212 0
Good one! ;)
upyourzlolz 11
Or even simpler: your left hand.
FarSide 23
Maybe OP is just a lousy ******. It IS possible you know,
betticonfetti 7
Actually, the fact that OP's girlfriend told his entire family about her vibrator and lack-luster sex life indicates that she isn't a prude...
justcallmemini 15
:) haha exactly!
thegreat8 1
I though I saw her there once
nickdunbar 8
That is pretty funny
The_Great_Zucchi 15
Exactly. Grow a sense of humour OP...
Blackmail111 9
Or a bigger penis
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
OP I would have gotten up and walked away
Capt_Oblivious 10
Hey, don't knock what she is thankful for. Maybe you'll make the list next year, start working harder at it.
bossroyd 4
Literally
SirObvious 1
Metaphorically
Capt_Oblivious 10
Figuratively. May as well cover all the bases there.
duhWINNING2_fml 9
Tell her you're thankful for your inflatable woman. Ownd.
Sweet121 0
Be sure to add that at least the blow up girl can shut the **** up and take it like a real woman.
ariannaa_fml 17
That's terrible, but funny!
djth3t4ank 4
That's pretty much the idea behind every post on the website.
wistfulorangeade 12
Well, you can't move like that! Get a titanium piercing that vibrates. She'll get a kick out of that. Or just break up with her. She'll stil have her real boyfriend.
Chad_the_Brony 0
A Pegasister. Nice...
uprising_fml 0
start incorporating that vibrator into ya'lls sex life then . it's pretty common for couple to do so .
skinflint 6
this is true. she'll be much more willing do anal if you let her tickle her clit with the vibrator at the same time.
juliajealousyy 1
Ouch! Sorry OP. but that is pretty funny (:
redsoxmatt8342 1
I like your boobs.
clw1740 0
41, you are ****** up.
andzander 1
For liking boobs?
skinflint 6
if he's no more than 16, then it ok.
G0v3nat0r 7
Yeah, what is wrong with liking boobs?
jsh95 0
It sure is funny, and he should learn how to work his wand, you have to learn before waving it around, she should at least tell him what he can do better
jsh95 0
Hell yeah it's funny, he should just learn how to use his wand, because he has no magic in it right now.
ZXDriver 0
".. And I am thankful for her sister. Amen."
Humanspider 18
That would have been a good comeback.
justcallmemini 15
haha:) nice one