Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
iAlissa 34
Maybe the woman respects herself enough not to sleep with a stranger
jensen21 19
When you use "finally gave in" it seems like you were definitely harassing her.
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Comments (354)
ZombieKnickers_fml 8
That woman is my idol.
Unenunciable 14
The way you say that she "finally gave in" gives away how shamelessly nasty and coercive you were. Since you were obviously pressuring her into something she wasn't interested in, she was right to do what she did. You should seriously reconsider your flirting techniques.
davincidasecond 24
Wooooow, YDI big time. Don't push the issue next time. If she says no, just accept it.
mr_schizznazz 8
Congratulations! You're a tool! Have anything to say?
EvilLittleMan 23
Lo(n)g story short, OP you are a pathetic and steamy pile of corn infested shit. May your dear ol' Mommy know that she has raised a true asshole for a son. The next time you can easily lay some pipe I wish a horrible drip worse than a leaky faucet on your sorry ass.
Zoeythedinosaur 17
For all the people that say "learn to respect women" I wonder how many of you actually practice what you preach. As for OP, grow up, you deserve to keep your virginity for life.
blackonblight 33
Since it looks like a lot of the posters saying "respect women" are women themselves, I expect they're saying it because they would like to be respected. So, there's a pretty good chance they do practice what they preach.
pazuzus_intern 10
I'm sorry, but what the hell are you talking about? I'm totally lost on what provoked that comment.
skyeyez9 25
Not sleeping around should be the norm. Have you read that clamydia and gonnorreah and other diseases are becoming resistant to the medicines used to treat them? Not all std's are stopped with condoms. Not to mention all the other non curable stds. The AIDs virus is so small, it can pass thru the condom.
Ins0mau 20
The AIDS virus can't "pass through" an intact condom! That's BS!
pazuzus_intern 10
I don't know how valid your claims about these diseases are but I'm actually inclined to agree with you about people being careful and smart about who they sleep with. I do know that diseases like herpes are chlamydia are passed through skin to skin contact which a condom does not completely negate. If things like this didn't happen then it would be fine but why take such a huge risk, not just for yourself but any future partners you bed?
Xotoolyxo 16
You must have been really desperate that night
mpsteve137 15
Hmm... Something no one has brought up, where the heck did she get your moms number from?
Raesin 21
As she pretended to put her number into OPs phone she called his mom, from his phone. It's actually quite common for people to have their parents' phone numbers stored on their phone.
mpsteve137 15
Oooohhhh duh. I see a plethora of thumbs down coming my way. B
DevilsMetsGiants 30
You're doing it wrong