Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
iAlissa 34
Maybe the woman respects herself enough not to sleep with a stranger
jensen21 19
When you use "finally gave in" it seems like you were definitely harassing her.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (354)
worldclassrager 41
Have her write her number down then put it in your phone yourself...
BlackPanther19 11
Your mom must have loved getting that phone call
how_to_implode 17
That girl deserves massive kudos for taking charge and trying to teach you a lesson that I hope you learned. Honestly, how would you feel if someone you had no interest in decided that you're the sexual object they want to play with tonight, and wouldn't leave you alone until they got your number? Your personality should be enough to get a girl into bed. If it's not, go find someone with lower standards. Maybe one who's looking for her own sexual object.
emirie 21
I'm kinda wondering why she didn't just walk away. If some creep was harassing me like that, I'd end that situation pretty quickly.
jmcr 27
He could have kept following her seeing as he used the words "gave in" its those kinds of guys that i get the urge to kick them where it hurts and keeping kicking until it doesnt work any more
emirie 21
True. I wanna see a follow up on this. Maybe he'll comment saying his mom kicked him out and three girl kicked him in the balls >:)
booboohoney 12
F your moms life for raising a creeper
littlexlune 16
Way to go, dumbass.
tackblog 14
Sounds like a feminist to me.
Grauncho 27
You sound like a piece of shit to me.
bellidona 15
Lmao ^
Waredo_Dyrge 11
Wow tackblog. I sincerely hope you suffer a severe groin injury.
Erery 16
Well everyone beat me to it lol. You are indeed a piece of shit.
musiciangirl591 16
its guys like you that make me glad that i have pepper spray and know how to put people into chokeholds, YDI, there's no way around it
bellidona 15
All i can do is laugh !
jsmnhwll 6
i kind of want him to reply to the comments now. lol.