Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in three days. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
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Top comments
MagicallyFat 12
I guess your mother understands you. But maybe you were drunk and told her lol
marinus_fml 20
Don't worry, she won't have a recollection in the morning either.
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Comments (83)
MagicallyFat 12
I guess your mother understands you. But maybe you were drunk and told her lol
Keyman1212 14
Did your dad and his boss walk in on her handcuffed to the bed recently?
amoscore 5
So the question is: do you really like handcuffs?
Fruit_Dealer 9
Makes me think about that song parody "Love in these cuffs"
MagicallyFat 12
41 yeah she does lol. For her name thingy she put down phsycic mother or something lol
NeatNit 33
Be thankful. Your boyfriend now knows what you like and will probably do it :P
lmfao_shame 9
Her mom must be talking about those toy handcuffs she enjoyed playing with when she was a young'n.
farhil 14
You gave your phone to your drunk mother to answer your boyfriend's call? That's an automatic YDI
SimmoRocks 1
lol eww
NomOnShroomz 14
Are you a dude or a chick?
lexiale 10
I love comments like these
marinus_fml 20
Don't worry, she won't have a recollection in the morning either.
badactor009 0
Wrong
dmw25 0
Yeah lets state the obvious dude....
Rachel247 0
yeah but OPs boyfriend will
False_Stupidity 42
I remember everything the next day after getting drunk except when I've had enough to pass out, not saying OP's mum is the same but you can't always assume she won't remember either
loserman67 36
Sounds to me like your mother is scouting out a potential "****-buddy".
lmfaoooooooooo 4
So your not denying that you like handcuffs?
RecklessJellyBea 7
She's trying to live out her sexual fantasies through you. Like.. a threesome.
DeathMaple 3
Haha... Kinky
davidisbeast 12
Haha YDI for giving your drunk mom the phone instead of waiting till you got home
stacianichole 2
True.
techweed 12
Kick the shit out of her when she's sober. Ahh domestic violence always make me laugh... *sarcastic*
amadais 1
Ah, your comment didnt
aligiorav 11
Ah stating the intention of your comment is always so much better than just wording it in a way which reveals your underlying intention...
flockz 20
Ahhh i just jizzed.
zachherbert 10
Ah, flockz **** is on my chin
example947 0
Everyone likes handcuffs!
stacianichole 2
Except for criminals and hostages.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Unless that particular hostage / criminal has a fetish for them.
Senior29 8
she proly xpected it 2 be in ur genes ;)