Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
iAlissa 34
Maybe the woman respects herself enough not to sleep with a stranger
jensen21 19
When you use "finally gave in" it seems like you were definitely harassing her.
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Comments (354)
ItsNatals_xoxo 5
That's pretty hilarious
awkward_gothlady 32
So, why were you so sure you could "get her to sleep with you?" Because you're just so amazing that women can't help but fall into bed with you? Guys with that sort of attitude are so annoying. A guy who's truly amazing doesn't measure his worth by how many women he can talk into sleeping with him.
Cordy07 8
I wish I could thumb up this comment 100 times!
papayeya 18
All i can Say: lolololo
xxsakuraxx 29
I don't know who she is but I really like her. What she did was awesome!
JonBall 17
You're a prick for thinking anyone will feel sorry for you. YDI to the max
Lexiiijade 1
As many have stated before, you can't expect people to feel sorry for you when you use phrases like "she gave in". Clearly she told you to back off and you're incapable of listening. I hope your mum gave you an earful too.
Maycontainnuts 17
The language you're using just for this fml OP, suggests sexual harassment. I mean "finally gave in" - its not about pushing her until she caves, trust me she's not just playing "hard to get". She doesn't want to. There's no bigger turn off than a pushy guy who just assumes you're interested.
capthigh 16
She is actually super clever to be honest
sjbartholome 14
Don't worry OP you still have Jill. She won't talk back to you! Or call your mother.
jrok98 8
She also may also have a sense to stay away from douches like yourself.